Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My Cat Made Me Feel Old

This is my cat, Simba. I don’t think I’ve ever posted a picture of him before.

I found Simbah back when he was a kitten and about 4 months old. I was living in an apartment complex, and it was the middle of Winter. One day while I was leaving for work, I spied with my little eye, the-kitten-whos-name-was-destined-to-be-Simbah, huddled over a heating grate with a half dozen of his newborn brothers and sisters, basically freezing to death in the snow.

You might think me a heartless bastard to just try to ignore that scene and keep walking, but I had, at the time, just gone through an episode with buying a Bluepoint Himalayan kitten for a girlfriend that cost me about $700, only to fall in love with the thing and have him die 6 months later due to a bad liver. In short, having another cat was the LAST thing on my mind just then.

But, for the next 2 days, every time I trudged through the snow, there were those poor little kittens, fighting for their lives. I finally broke down, and tried to chase the little buggers down in an effort to grab one. Simbah, the slowest of the bunch, is the only one I could nab.

That was over 10 years ago now. He and I have been best buds ever since.

So, how did this cute little feline give me a scare last night?

Friz and Simbah don’t get along too well. Not that there is any open antagonism on either of their parts or anything. More like they just have learned to completely ignore each other.

Friz does all the food shopping in our house, because I am inept at those womanly things. But, because of her cold war with Simbah, she REFUSES to buy the cat food.

So, every 2 months, I run out to the supermarket, and buy 60 cans of cat food, some boxes of dry food, and kitty litter. Since I give him 1 can of food a day, this supply holds him over for 2 months.

I HATE making this trip. I just hate the supermarket in general, because I’m so manly, you see. Anyway, I hate it so much that after each trip, I always think to myself, “Thank goodness I don’t have to do that again until - insert future date here-!

So, last night I came up with the date of the NEXT time I need to buy food. Then I basically froze in horror when I realized with horror that the next time I need to buy food for Simbah, I will be 40 years old!

I can’t handle 40. I really can’t. I’ve mentioned it before (and if I had all my archived posts moved over yet, I could have linked to it), but getting old SCARES ME TO DEATH! That’s not an exaggeration. The thought of getting old terrifies me. It’s really my only fear in life.

Maybe I’ve just been subconsciously avoiding it, but up until last night I really didn’t make the connection that my birthday was looming that close on the horizon.

I really don’t know why I’m getting so worked up over this. Even though I’ll be 40 soon, I am still devastatingly handsome, in killer shape, and still awesome in bed. Oh yeah, and I’m still humble, to boot.

But I still cant help imagining what my next trip to the supermarket to buy cat food will be like in September: No teeth, pants pulled up to my armpits, black socks and sandals, slowly pushing my walker ahead of me and asking the nice young whipper-snapper bag-boy if he would be a dear and carry my bags out to the car for me.

Ok, maybe I won’t change THAT much come September, but getting old still scares the poo outta me.

33 comments:

Steph said...

40 IS scary, but I'll tell you a secret: it's cookies and milk compared to 60 staring you in the face.

Another secret: as you draw closer to "old", the less intimidating it becomes. "Old" is a state of mind anyway; it has nothing to do with the numbers.

You're still young. Keep your health and your sense of humor, live in the present and you'll do just fine.

Slyde said...

Steph: wise words, missy. And i know, you are absolutely right...

honeywine said...

If you listen to the oracle that is Sex and the City, you know that 40 is the new 30! Give it enough time and we can be the new fetuses. ;)

As for me, I gave up about 2 yrs. ago. I likes my old music and don't want to learn none of that new racket them there kids listen to!

Chris H said...

Nice story about Simba.... and would ya just shut the F*#k up about turning 40 man? I'm gunna be friggin *50* in three months! Cry for me now would ya? Actually, I should be happy, I have a new va-jay-jay... so that has turned the clock back surely??? I live in hope....

( . )( . ) said...

40 schmorti. Big deal. I say embrace your age and tell everyone. Fuck you in 40.

I have a shirt that says, im 40 and fabulous. Even though I am 23. But people in the gym always come up to me and say 'Wow, you look great for your age' and I just giggle slyly to myself.

I dont think any of what I just said will help fight your fear of 40. Hmmmm....

Meghan said...

Embrace the age, then bastardize it anyways.

Simbah is cute.He looks like a boy version of my cat Tinkerbell.

AlleyCat said...

Yep, 40 is the new 30!! I'm pushing the f word myself - just keep ignoring the fact - denial seems to be working for me...............although I think I want (.)(.)'s t-shirt!!!

PS have you tried home delivery, then you'll only need your walking frame to make it to the front door (wink)

B.E. Earl said...

40 ain't nothing.

You look 39 to me. Or 41.

Certainly not 40.

sweets said...

I feel your pain, everybody is lying to you, we're all getting old and to me 40 is also a choker... I think we should have an affair to beat off the depression, what do you think? :)~

elizabeth said...

"Friz does all the food shopping in our house, because I am inept at those womanly things."

If I was a girl Earl I'd say... maybe just inept.

What do single men do for food?

I hear you on the whole getting old thing. I panic constantly. I didn't think I'd be like that but I am. Remember when I turned 30? I try not to ;-) Wasn't a good day. Now I constantly stand in front of the mirror and look for wrinkles. Sigh.

Slyde said...

honey: i am quite metrosexual enough to admit that i have watched EVERY episode of sex and the city.

chris: where do i sign up to my a new va-jay-jay of my own?

(.)(.): Maybe i should go out and buy a shirt that says "im 60 and fabulous!"

Meghan: simbah is the shiznit. and yes, i need to embrace my age.. or at least try to.

Slyde said...

alleycat: ya know, home delivery just might be the way to go? will they deliver my denture cream?

earl: you'll always be older than me. neener neener.

sweets: you know, you just might have something there. I think a hot sweaty affair just might be what the doctor ordered. I'm in!

liz: single men go to mcdonalds, make ramin noodles or mac and cheese, and order a shitload of take out. At least thats how I got thru the 4 years i lived on my own.

Paige Stanton said...

I feel old, but not as old as you, you're dang near a grandpa! Aw just kidding. The other day the summer student that works in my office and I went to get a slurpee. She was buying lottery tickets and was hoping they'd ask her for ID. She just turned 18 and is now old enough to do all that fun stuff. I was all like you'll get over being carded, when I go the bar and I'm asked for ID I get annoyed, I'm almost 30. And in about .347659 of a second it all came down on me. I'm old.

Anonymous said...

Hey, 40 is nothing.
Just remember I am 9 yrs older than you. NOW THAT'S SCARY.
I also have a big fear of getting old (wait, I am already there) LOL

But hey, we LOOK YOUNG and ACT YOUNG...that's what counts.

Cuz

Slyde said...

paige: tell me about it. The first time i went into a club, and the bouncer DIDNT ask for my ID, i was like "hey, cmon! dont you want to see it?"

cuz: yup, that IS what counts.. at least thats what i keep telling myself...

white rabbit said...

I found 30 the hardest to take. 40 I shrugged off. 50 I just ignored. At least when I'm 60 I'll get a free travel pass!

Slyde said...

rabbit: i hope i will be able to shrug it off when the time comes, but i just dont think so. I think, in my warped mind, i still think of "30's", as still being a kid. "40's" seems to equal "adult", and it scares me.

lotus07 said...

Listen Slyde, old buddy, this is what you have to worry about when you get hold. Things slowly stop working. It isn't POW, you wake up and you are old. You start acking more for no apparent reason, you start getting injuried more eaisly, and finally almost everything will cause pain, either immediately or eventually. It is a slow process, and not likely to make itself known by the September, at least not 2008 anyway.

Anndi said...

Babycakes... you're going to buy catfood at 40, not adult diapers. Get a grip!

Besides, my Honey is older than you and he's still Hot!

The birthday is one day, not a whole year. Just look it as being a day older when it finally comes.

Slyde said...

lotus: believe me man, i know it already. ive talked about my recent back troubles.. they have actually been getting worse lately. I know its all part of just getting older.. i'll deal..

anndi: Thanks sweetie! I know sometimes my irrational fear of aging starts to get to me...

Letty Cruz said...

aaaaah, cuuuut Simba, heeeere kittykittykitOUCH!!!

NOW I see Friz's point

;D

Miss Ann Thrope said...

20 was the one that got me. I didn't want to be an adult. I wanted to be 19 years old forever. that didn't work out so well.

40 wasn't a big deal. I KNOW 50 will reduce me to a sniveling mess.

But, just so you know, oonce you get past 39, it all goes to hell really, really fast.

Happy almost birthday :-D

Tamara said...

I have always had the problem of being thought much younger than I am. When I was at varsity, I'd go to a local steak house with my friends and get given the kiddies menu. I hope it stays that way till I'm 40!

Slyde said...

letty: See, you're taking Friz's side without even hearing Simbah's take on it.

Miss: thanks! so what you are telling me basically is that in 2 months my WORST fears will be realized! awesome!

Tamara: you are a lucky, lucky girl!

Anonymous said...

Well, 30 bothered me ALOT, 40 was not such a big deal. Now, EVERY year is a big deal. You should see all the face/neck creams I HAVE to put on before I can even LEAVE MY HOUSE....LOL

Anonymous said...

wait, what happened? I am the anonymous comment (Cuz). LOL

Slyde said...

cuz: when you post, pick name/url instead of anonymous. THen you can write your name when you post.

Cuz said...

ah duh..............i am very
S L O W

teeni said...

Oh, Slyde - it's just a number. You won't feel any different (right away anyway). It's not like you are going to wake up that morning and your teeth and hair are going to fall out, you'll be farsighted, and your dick will fall off. LOL. That happens when your 41. :shock:

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Ignore everyone elses comments. Forty is bad, bad, bad and gets worse, worse and then more some. Saggy stuff happens, grey hair in your nether regions and on chin. You have to work harder to look average or you go down the frumpy toilet very quickly. However, all that stuff is compenstated by the brain maturing and not giving a toss about any of it.

Of course, I can only speak from the female perspective.

Slyde said...

teeni: so, ive got 1 more year attached to my dick? damn, id better start using it.

linda: somehow, that didnt make me feel better. p.s. welcome!

2abes said...

forty smorty - could be worse...depends

Slyde said...

2abes: easy for you to say, you're 70.