Wednesday, March 12, 2008

An Embarrassing Route

Wasn’t it only a week ago that I was telling ya’ll about one of my most embarrassing moments?

Well, I think I just topped myself (and this one DOESN’T involve Earl).

A few months ago, I bought a new, fairly expensive N-class router for my home, because as you all know, I am a techno-geek tried and true. Gotta have the best gadgets, right?

Anyway, last week the damn thing broke on me, and because I bought it on eBay, I didn’t really have any recourse to return it.

I really needed a replacement right away, so the eBay option wasn’t viable, but I ALSO didn’t feel like paying the much higher price I’d have to pay if I went to my local computer store.

So, what to do?

A friend suggested to me a seemingly GREAT idea!

“Why don’t you just go to Best Buy, buy the new router, then put your old one in the new box and return it?”

That couldn’t work, could it?

Now normally, I’m a pretty big supporter of brick and mortar stores, so this isn’t the kind of thing I would usually try to pull off, but I’ve been spending a lot of money lately, and the thought of spending upwards of another c-note on something I JUST FRIGGING BOUGHT 2 MONTHS AGO was enough to push me into contemplating embarking on a new life of crime.

I even had the foresight to call Best Buy ahead of time, and ask “Hey, if I were to buy a router, and open the box and then decide I don’t want it, can I return it for a full refund?”.

“Sure thing!”, I was told by the cheery Best Buy employee on the phone.

So, my evil, ingenious plot began to take shape…..

I went to Best Buy over the weekend, paid way too much for the new router, and quickly ferreted it back to my evil lair (i.e. home) to begin what other common criminals routinely call “The Ol’ Switheroo”….

I installed my new router, and my home was once again awash in the comforting feeling of internet connectivity. Then I took my broken router, and did my best to re-package it as nicely as I could into the new box.

Then with router and receipt in hand, I skulked my way back into Best Buy.

The woman behind the “Returns” desk certainly seemed nice enough.

“I need to see the receipt, sir”.

“Sure thing!”, I said cheerily as I handed it to her.

“Now I need to open the box and inspect the contents”.

“Go right ahead”, I said. I secretly hoped she would be impressed at my expert re-packaging of my illegal goods.

This is where my day suddenly started to slide downhill…..

The woman took the router out of the box, flipped it over, and began to inspect the serial number on the bottom.

I couldn’t for the life of me think of what she was going to do with that info.

My heart then proceeded to skip a beat, as she then checked the serial number on the router to the serial number (THAT I NEVER NOTICED WAS THERE) on the side of the box!

I broke out into a cold sweat, eyes shifting nervously as I tried to quickly scope out my best escape route as my beautifully evil plan began to fall apart.

Would she call security? Could I get away? Should I grab her as a hostage? Will there be a shootout?

“Uhhhhhhh, these numbers don’t match. How many routers do you have at home?”

“Three!”, I quickly said, now in a state of near panic.

Three? Who the Hell has three routers? I am an idiot.

“Well, I think you put the wrong one in the box”.

Then there was a moment, I’m sure only a few seconds in reality, but it felt like a lifetime, where the woman and I just stared at each other, each waiting for the other one to crack and admit that this woman knew exactly what the Hell I just tried to do.

Then, my huge intellect came up with a brilliant plan….

“Uhhhh, my wife packaged this up for me this morning. Yeah, that’s it! Why, she must have put the wrong router in the box! Darn that scamp! I’ll have to come back later with the right one, by Golly!”.

“Ok, you do that”, was the only reply I got from the now NOT so cheery woman behind the counter…..

I quickly scarfed up my illegal contraband and scurried out of the store….

Anyone want to buy a “slightly used”, do-it-yourself


Chris H said...

My opinion of you just took a dive.... but I am sure I will recover... ya know that what you tried to do is illegal EH? YA TWIT, WHAT IF YOU HAD BEEN ARRESTED???? Going now....

Letty Cruz said...

I hate Best Buy with a purple passion, I just do. The Best Buy over here, in Palm Desert, has some of the most underhanded smug dweebs I've ever run across, and I'm a very easy-going customer. So I read this hoping you WOULD get away with your dastardly deed. *sigh* but so glad you ran out of there without hostage-taking ;D

Slyde said...

chris: im sorry i dissapointed you. i'll try to make it up to you.

letty: yeah, i would have loved to have stuck it to the man, too.. oh well, maybe nexttime.