Sunday, April 06, 2008

I-CON

I Spent the entire day yesterday at I-Con, a big Science Fiction convention here on Long Island.
I've gone a few times over the years, and it's always a fun an interesting time, wandering through the crowds of freaks and weirdo's dressed up in Klingon Outfits or their favorite Star Wars characters.


Anyway, being there yesterday reminded me, as it always does, of one time when I went there about 15 years ago, and had a bit of a run-in with none other than Mr. Sulu himself, George Takei.


I've never been one to re-post old stories that I've already written (in fact, this will be the first time ever), but since it's on my mind right now, I figured I'd just re-tell ya'll about one of my most (in)famous incidents.


Set Phasers To "Faaaaa-bulous!"
Originally Posted 11/21/2005


As some of you have probably heard by now, George Takei, the Asian contingent of the crew of the original Star Trek TV show, better known as “Mr. Sulu” by the masses, has finally come out of the closet, and admitted to being a homosexual.

Now, to anyone who is ANY kind of trekkie, this revelation is not the earth shattering expose that some of the tabloids in the past week have made it out to be. I mean, was there ANYONE out there who didn’t realize Sulu was gay? The man displayed so many stereotypically gay personality traits that I don’t think it would be insulting to say that this revelation didn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone. Who’s the next big celebrity that will shock us by coming out of the closet...... Richard Simmons? My God, the scandal!!!

But I digress. This blog entry really has nothing to do with George Takei’s sexual orientation. I say, more power to him. Live long and prosper and all that.

The sudden news attention surrounding Mr. Sulu got myself and B.E. Earl talking the other day, about an incident between myself and Mr. Takei about 15 years ago. Upon talking about the incident again, we thought our loyal Slyde-Bloggers would find this a pretty funny yarn.

Before I begin, I need to stress again that this took place about 15 years ago. I was probably about 22 or so. Believe me, I stake no claim now that I am anything close to mature, but if you knew me back then, you’d think I was Obi-Wan Kenobi now. Let’s just preface this little story by saying that, although I am not ashamed of my less-than-mature outlook on life, I’m not so proud of it that I plan to put it on my resume, either.

Anyway, the year was about 1993 or so, and Earl, myself, and a group of friends all decided to attend I-CON. I-CON, for all you non-geeky Long Islanders, is L.I.’s biggest yearly science fiction convention. Nerds from all over convene every April to buy sci-fi merchandise, watch sci-fi movies, listen to sci-fi guests, and find other ways of embarrassing themselves with their dorkiness. I fully admit to taking part in such endeavors in my youth from time to time…..

Anyway, at some point I needed use the restroom, so I found the “Little Tribbles” room and entered one of the stalls. While inside the stall, I heard some people enter, discussing what sounded like a movie script, when suddenly I heard that distinctive deep voice that all Trekkies know so well. There was no doubt in my mind that Mr. Sulu had just walked into the bathroom. Apparently, Mr. Takei was scheduled to be a guest speaker at the convention.

Amazed, I kept listening to their conversation. I heard the other people leave the restroom, and then I thought I heard Mr. Sulu walk up to one of the urinals against the far wall, taking care of nature.

A strange thought occurred to me: There was a person of some celebrity status, in a state of semi-nakedness, in my near vicinity. Of course I came to the obvious conclusion: This was a rare opportunity to see a movie star’s private parts!

Now, I have to stop the story at this point for a quick aside. I do NOT, in any shape of form, play on the same team as our esteemed Mr. Sulu. On the contrary, I have such a weakness for the fairer sex, that it has gotten me into more trouble in past years than I could care to admit.

But the fact remained, that less than 10 feet from me was a famous Willy. I had once heard a story of a person who was in a hotel in Detroit on a business trip, who walked down the hall one night to see David Lee Roth naked in an open hotel room. I remember it being a very funny story, and I decided I wanted a famous naked story for myself. So, off I went to get my own story….

I exited the stall, and quickly ran up to the urinal next to Mr. Takei. He glanced at me briefly, then went about his business.

It was at this time I stole a quick look at Mr. Sulu’s personal phaser.

I am not going to degrade the top-notch integrity and standards of SLYDESBLOG with any details (hey, if you want details, stalk him in a bathroom yourself!). But let’s just say, I got my look.

Afterwards, my friends and I all had a good laugh about it. We even decided to attend Mr. Takei’s lecture. The lecture hall was large, seating a few hundred people. Nerds and Klingons from all over the Long Island area were in that room at the time. People who base their lives on Star Trek and view Mr. Sulu as their own personal god. And here my friends and I sat, a couple of wise-asses having way too much fun with this whole scene.

To our credit, we actually managed to be good for most of the dissertation. At one point, George tells the crowd that he is in the process of writing his autobiography.

At that point, a pimply-faced kid holding a light-saber stood up and asked, “Could you tell us what the name of your book will be called?”

To which Mr. Takei responded: “I haven’t come up with a name for my book yet. What I am doing is looking over all the great pieces of memorabilia I have in my attic at my home. I dust off one of these pieces of memorabilia I have up there, then I write a story about it. I’ve been writing a whole chapter for every memento I find up there. And I have a BIG attic, so there will be a lot of stories. But I haven’t come up with a name for my autobiography yet.”

At this point, the 22 year old Me could no longer resist and yelled out, “Why don’t you call your book, “Big Attic, Small Penis”?

Well, my friends and I got a good laugh out of that one. At least until we looked up to find Mr. Sulu, as well as the army of Uber-Geeks around us, looking at me with faces aghast like I just flipped-off Queen Elizabeth.

Well, the faces on the crowd around us, as well as that of George Takei, got us laughing even harder. Cut to 2 minutes later when we got dragged out of the convention center by security.

Man that was a funny day.

Please note that this story has no real point, except to show how immature I can be, especially since, 15 years later now, I still think it’s funny as Hell.

Live Long and Prosper, George Takei.

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