Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Another Halloween

As most of you should know by now, on top of being a world-class stud and gigolo for hire, I am also a kick-ass pumpkin carver.

Behold in wide wonder this year's offering......




And since I'm sure your next burning question is, "Hey Gorgeous, what does it look like at night when it's all lit up?", take a gander...

Isn't that perfection? It's the pumpkin-equivalent of the Sistine Chapel.

The crappy little one to the left is my sons. He's such a lame carver. Even if he is only 4 years old, mine is still TONS better.

I guess the pumpkin-genius gene just didn't pass on to him.....

Monday, October 29, 2007

We Don't Need Another Hero

My friends, I think I may have watched my last episode of Heroes.

I tried. I REALLY tried. But now, after nearly 1 and a half seasons, I am just NOT digging this show.

This one really hurts to take off my viewing schedule. There aren't too many comic book geeks who have been around longer than me, so last summer, when I heard about a new show that was supposed to be an 'adult' look at superheroes in the modern world, I thought I died and went to fan-boy heaven.

But the more I watch this show, the sillier and sillier it gets.

What REALLY drives me batty about this show is, just about EVERY damn person I know frigging LOVES IT! People that I swore would watch 15 minutes of this and turn the channel tell me they are hooked for life, and for the life of me, I just can't figure out why.

Anyway, I slowly have been trying to wean Earl off the supposed charms of this show, and I think my anti-Heroes mojo is finally starting to work on him. He told me today that he will, like me, NOT be watching Heroes tonight, and that he is done with it as well.

I'd LIKE to believe that, but Earl is notorious for giving me the old loopdy-loo of saying one thing and doing another. I think he takes pleasure from it.

But that is no matter. I, ladies and gentlemen, am sticking to my guns.

Tonight, I will NOT watch Heroes.

Of course, I just checked Tivo and it looks anything else I usually watch tonight is NOT on, so maaaaybe I'll give it just one more week to redeem itself to me and become the kind of super-hero show I KNOW it could be.

I just wont embarrass myself and tell Earl.

Shit.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Boo!

Whatever else I might be in life, I DO believe that I am a kick-ass dad.

I was supposed to go somewhere with my son on Saturday, but it fell through, so I felt bad for the little tyke.

He's been all stoked for Halloween this year, so I told him I would take him to the Halloween store in town, and let him pick out anything he wanted.

I figured he'd pick a spooky flashlight, or a rubber spider, or any number of cool disgusting things that they have on sale there.

I have no one else to blame except myself for what we came back with.
After all, I did say "Anything".

So, now I have THIS monstrosity sitting on my front lawn.


Next time I'll have any statements to my son about future purchases approved by a lawyer and stamped by a Notary.

At least it lights up, and the head spins around.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

R U Kidding Me?

You know, with very few exceptions, I don't filter my language on this here blog.

If I want to say "SHIT!", then I say "SHIT!". I don't say "POO-POO" or "DOODY", or any such nonsense.

Then can someone please tell me how I ended up with this?

Especially when everyone else in the the blog-overse is getting "COOL" ratings like R and NC-17.

According to this, this site is the Disney Channel of cyberchat.
I am definitely going to have to spice up the language here, and then take this test again in 6 months.

Fuck!

p.s. Not that this has anything to do with me not being enough of a potty mouth, but I thought this would be a good time to let ya'll know that the FRIENDS list was updated with my newest favorite person, Madam Diva. Indulge yourselves....

Friday, October 12, 2007

I Ran

Andy Samburg continues to be the only reason that anyone should tune into Saturday Night Live anymore, as his self-produced "Digital Shorts" are consistently the only thing even remotely funny on the show.

Case in point, Samburg's latest entry last week, proclaiming his love for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad during his recent guest speaking engagement at Columbia University, is the first thing that made me laugh all season.

At this rate, I give Samburg about 1 more season before he leaves the show to begin making great comedic movies like "Talledega Nights 2", and "I now pronounce you Andy and Larry".


Monday, October 08, 2007

Slyde's Pet Peeve # 2 - Public Toilets


This one REALLY ticks me off….

OK, It’s bad enough when one has to use a public toilet, since they are usually kept in pretty shitty (see what I did there? That’s a play on words!) shape. When given a choice, I will always prefer to use my own bathroom over any public ones.

But sometimes, nature has other ideas.

Like the other day, for instance....

I enter the bathroom. I give the place a good look-over. The place looks pretty clean. Cool… test # 1 of my public restroom experience is passed with flying colors.

I then pick a stall and kick the door open with my foot (I NEVER touch anything with my hands when I’m in a public restroom. I mean NOTHING. I think I have the entire exercise down where I can take care of all my public bathroom business with my feet, and an elbow).

Anyway, I kick the door open, and what do you think I see?

No, nothing gross…

But I see that the previous occupant has covered the rim of the bowl with toilet paper.
Now, I know why people do this. Many of YOU probably do it. You do it because heaven forbid your precious little tooshy touches a bowl where other people’s tooshies have touched.

I’m all for that. I get it, really. As I said, I’m a bit of a germ-aphobe myself, so I will gladly fight for your right to not rub heinies with a random stranger.

What pisses me off, however, is the fact that some people are SOOO damn lazy, that after they conclude their business, they don’t feel the need to swat their makeshift toilet cushion into the bowl, so others don’t have to deal with it.

No, they are quite content to just leave their ass-paper there, so now I'M the one that has to now try to become Neo from the Matrix, while I stand on one foot while I try karate kick the offending refuse into the bowl, without either accidentally touching the stall walls, or slipping and dunking my foot in the water.

I can’t fucking STAND that. The next time I see someone leaving a stall, and I notice that there is still toilet paper around the bowl, I swear I am going to grab them by the nuts, drag them back to the stall and give them the Swirlie of their life.

/rant off.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Whut You Gonna Do When I Back Massage You?

You guys have GOT to stop sending me emails with links like these.

You KNOW I am a Youtube whore who can't seem to NOT watch this stuff.

This one is quite silly, but I have been humming and singing it to myself all day, in my best East-Coast gansta rap voice..