Sunday, September 30, 2007

Choose Your Own Tube - Episode 3

I must say that I really do have a soft spot for this series. It is smart, campy, and I think these kids are pretty talented.

I know its been awhile since I posted the last episode, but last we left Morgan, he was trying to decide whether to hit on his friend Sarah, check out the girls in the hot tub (with outside lights!), or to play cards with his ambiguously gay friend.

Tune in now to see what the masses voted for Morgan to do next....


Thursday, September 27, 2007

Take THAT, CBS!

Anyone who has come here for any amount of time knows I am a HUGE Survivor fan.

I simply LOVE the show, and any arguments about how lame or gay it is, will fall upon deaf ears when they are voiced in my direction.

I really do dig the show. I have not missed an episode of it since the 1st episode aired 7 seasons ago.

I dig it SO much, that I auditioned, and came close to being considered, for Survivor 3, which was set in Africa, and is generally considered to be the most physically demanding and brutal season in the show's history.

Not making the final cut stung a little, but this summer, upon hearing that they would again be putting the physical screws to the cast, this time in China (the first U.S. show ever to tape there), I just HAD to again put in my application.

This time around, however, I didn't even get a call.

What could have happened? I am still just as funny, studly, and hot as I was the first time (and don't forget humble)!

What could have possibly changed?

I'll tell ya what....

Meet Ashley.


Ashley, a WWE Wrestler, is a contestant on Survivor this season. She also happens to be from West Babylon, Long Island, just like little ol' me. Survivor is notorious for not letting people who live geographically close to each other get on the same season, so as to minimize the chance of people knowing each other before they get to the show.

Once they picked miss Amazonia here, there was little chance for me to get on this season....
Oh, did I say that she was on Survivor? Let me correct myself.

She just got booted off on the second week!

That's right. She couldn't keep her fool mouth shut, and her tribe up and gave her the boot.

Instead of having a dud that lasted only 2 weeks, they could have had ME, dammit! ME!

I bet the head honchos at CBS are really kicking themselves for not picking me now......

Sunday, September 23, 2007

MovieGrenade

This post is long past due, but better late than never, I say!

Badgerdaddy, Earl, and myself have started up a brand spankin' new blog. It's badger's brainchild, but from the beginning, when he first mentioned it to me, I thought it was a smashing idea.

Basically, we provide you, the unwashed and ignorant masses, with a steady stream of movie reviews for your perusal.

We differ from most movie sites, however, because we will only review movies that truly and wholeheartedly SUCK. I mean really blow.

Basically, if you see we have reviewed it, it means you should NEVER be caught watching it.

"We throw ourselves on the worst movie grenades – so you don't have to." I believe badger has trademarked that already, so back the Hell up!

Between badger, Earl and myself, we have probably seen every movie in the known universe (and half of the ones throughout the galaxy.. although I haven't checked out any films from Alpha Centari yet), so you all should be pretty well covered from here on out...

No need to thank us... just send donations...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

School Daze

My son started Kindergarten last week.

I have joked around about it a lot to friends, but the truth is, I really can't believe that my son is headed off to school already.

It seems cliché, but it really DOES seem like just yesterday that he was just a little cute bundle of spittle and poo, needing us for every single thing in his life.

Then last week we just walked him to school. My little man didn't complain one bit, and he LOVES IT! He's made a ton of friends already, and he genuinely looks forward to it each morning.

I thought, when he'd finally have to let go of my hand, and head for the classroom on his own, that I'd get all emotional up in da' place, but cool dude that I am, I kept my cool.

It was ok. Better yet, it felt right. I just waved to him with a smile, and sent him off.

And he smiled and waved back, and didn't look back as he started this new chapter of his life.....
Of course Angela was crying like a baby who just lost her favorite Telletubby, putting pretty much all eyes on the room on us (I mean, people were emotional, but NO ONE was bawling like my wife was), I pretty much just deftly diffused the situation by running out the door and heading off to work.

Anyway, some pics....

As you can see, my son is extremely shy and hesitant about his first day.

I just don't know where he gets this smartass attitude from....

Within 5 minutes, he already had a posse

Us walking the green mile (school is only 2 blocks away) on day 1....

Well, that's ONE hurdle over with. Only 16 or so more years of this shit to go.....

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

We Need Girlfriends - Episode 11

My boys from Queens were a little late with this month's episode, but here it finally be.

This episode is entitled "Goodbye Forever", and it is being billed as a "season finale". After watching it, it almost seems like a "series" finale, but hopefully the guys will just take some time off before we see a season 2.

It's not one of my favorite episodes, but even a bad episode of WNG is better than most of the other viral crap on the net...


Sunday, September 16, 2007

That Can't Be Right

Ya know, I'm BEGINNING to think that the DEATH CLOCK might not be completely accurate....

After reading some of your comments, I checked back in to the clock o' death, just to make sure all my info was accurate.....

Then I noticed that I HAD, in fact, not checked off 1 field properly.

For the MODE field, I had accidentally entered "normal".

I am NOT "normal".

On the contrary, I am probably one of the most pessimistic people I know, so I entered my mode as such.

To my horror, once I did so, my date of death PLUMMETED down to Tuesday, April 9, 2024!!
What the Hell? I just lost 18 years because I think the glass is always half empty? 2024 isn't THAT far away! Jesus!

Now, completely freaking out, I continued to keep all of the other info the same, and just played around with the "mode". Here are my results:

Normal: Saturday, June 14, 2042
Pessimistic: Tuesday, April 9, 2024
Optimistic: Friday, August 3, 2063
Sadistic: Tuesday, June 14, 2005

My favorite is of course "sadistic", which revealed to me that if I DID have such a disposition, I would already be dead for 2 years, and to "have a nice day!".

Clearly, the way for me to go is "Optimistic", which would give me another 21 years, and let me croak at the ripe old age of 95, but I just don't think I'm ready for that big of a life change.

P.S. I tried fiddling with some of the other numbers, and nothing brings about such a dramatic change of life as your personality does. I even changed my BMI to make myself morbidly obese, and it shortened my life by only a few weeks.

Now tell me, WHY am I always at the gym again?

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Saturday, June 14, 2042

Well folks, that's the day I am supposed to die.

If you visit here with any regularity, you might remember that I have this little phobia about getting older.

And, of course, you can't really get any older than "dead".
So, wouldn't you know it, a friend who LOVES to make me squirm, sent a link to THE DEATH CLOCK.

After you put in some info about yourself, the death clocks highly sophisticated series of super-computers, combined with dark magics, produce for you in a matter of moments, the exact second that you will buy the farm....

So there ya have it. As of this posting, I have exactly 1,096,514,290 seconds to live, putting me just shy of my 73rd birthday.

Only 34 more years on this earth kind of freaks me out a little, to be honest, since if this is correct (and it HAS to be, right? It's on the internet!), I have now officially LIVED more years already than I have left..

At least I die on a Saturday. That would be nice. Hopefully it will be sometime after a light lunch.

How much time do YOU have left?

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Choose Your Own Tube, Episode 2

Continuing the viewer-decided chronicles of my favorite Aussies....

In this episode, the viewers chose for Morgan to stay at the party and hit on Sarah. One part of this one really cracks me up!

Watch and enjoy!


Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

So, we had a bit of excitement at the house last week.

Last Wednesday, I’m off at work and my wife was at home with my son, when suddenly a white van with tinted windows screeches up to the front of our home, and 3 men come running out, open the door to our backyard, and proceed to begin pounding on our den door!

To use simple speech, they scared the shit outta my wife. They were asking to speak to “Diane”. We don’t know any Diane, and after a bit of arguing between them and my wife (all through the closed door… she was smart enough not to open it), they left.

My wife then runs upstairs to call me at work. While she is dialing, she hears my son talking to someone downstairs. With a start, she looks out the window to see the van is back!

Now completely bat-shit panicked, she runs downstairs to see my son talking to the guys through the door, who are again in our backyard.

This time, however, they identify themselves as police. Tiny little tidbit that they didn’t seem was relevant the FIRST time, I guess.

Anyway, my wife was (rightly so) not buying it. They were demanding that she open up the door, because they needed to talk to our tenant, Diane.

The only problem is, we don’t have a tenant.

Clearly, they had the wrong house, but refused to believe it, which is pretty fucking unbelievable since our HOUSE ADDRESS IS IN HUGE NUMBERS ON THE FRONT OF OUR HOME!

Anyway, after 15 minutes of them insisting through the other side of the door that we have a tenant (we don’t), that we are hiding Diane (we weren’t), and that I work for the corrections department (I don’t), the Brainiac of the bunch finally started to glean that they might have had the wrong house, and left to try the house across the street……

…. Where they DID find the person they were looking for.

It appears that we were at least marginally involved in one of the biggest pot busts ever on Long Island.

The funny thing is, I know the jackass who is mentioned in the story. “Midas Rob” used to park his big-ass Escalade in front of my house 3 nights a week, while he went inside the house across the street to pork our neighbor’s live-in tenant, the aforementioned “Diane”.

This guy was a world-class asshole, who more than once got my Sicilian blood boiling, parking his car in front of my home late at night, and starting it up and gunning it at 2am after he has finished his "business”. My wife has stopped me from taking a tire iron to this guy’s windshield more than once.

Which makes me ticked pink that he is hopefully, as we speak, getting his anus violated at one of Long Island’s finer correctional institutions, and from what all the local news and TV stations are saying; he will most likely be there for life.

Which suits me just fine. I never said I wasn’t a vindictive person.

In fact, I fully embrace that fun part of myself…………..

Sunday, September 02, 2007

My New Toy

This isn't exactly breaking news, since I bought this for myself last month, but I thought I'd finally put up a picture of it for posterity.

I don't switch cars very often, so a new car is always a big deal for me. This brand spankin' new Pontiac G6 replaces my old 97 Sebring convertible, which I truly loved, but I had to finally admit that It's time had come and gone.

So far, the G6 is a dream. Plus It's a hardtop convertible, which will undoubtedly hold up a Hell of a lot better to NY winters than my old cloth top convertible did. When I traded it in last month, the Sebring's top had been pretty shredded from all the winters that it went thru.

Anyway, the feeling and smell of "new"ness still permeates my car like one one of those little Christmas tree air freshioner thingies, so I am still in new-car bliss....