Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Chasing The White Horse

Last night it was real windy here on Long Island, and as usually happens on my block, we lost our power at about 5:30 pm.

So, here I was, trying to eat dinner in the dark, when I notice a car outside my home stopped in the street, with the lights on and engine running.

I live on a corner house at a 4 way intersection of Suburbia, but there is NOT a stop sign in front of my house, but on the other cross street.

“Hmmmmm”, I wonder. Since there isn’t a stop in front of my house, what could this guy be doing stopped in front of my house.

Being a nosy bastard, I stepped outside onto my porch, into the near complete darkness of the blackout, to see what was up with this guy.

So, I’m watching this genius, as he puts on his interior light, looks around suspiciously (he can’t see me because the block is so dark), and then proceeds to ….

… wait for it….

… he proceeds to tap out some cocaine on his dashboard, roll up a dollar bill, and SNORT IT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE!

I just couldn’t believe what I just saw. I literally stood openmouthed for a few seconds thinking, “Did I just fucking see what I thought I just fucking saw?”.

Oh yes, I did.

So I did what any self-respecting homeowner would do…

I picked up a tree branch that was on my lawn, and ran over to his S.U.V. yelling “Hey, Motherfucker!” while taking a swipe at his taillight.

And just like I would expect from a moron who can’t think ahead enough to snort cocaine while in the confines of his own home, he panicked and sped away.

It was too dark to see the fucker’s license plate, too…

When I walked back inside, I had to listen to my wife bitch at me about how I shouldn’t have done what I did.

Apparently she’s seen one too many Scorsese movies, because now she’s worried that this ass-hat is going to come back to the house for a little payback, yelling “Say Hello To My Little Friend”, as he and 10 of his friends pepper my house with machine gun fire….

If only!

Now THAT would finally give me something to blog about…..

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