Thursday, December 27, 2007

33 Days Never Felt So Long

After one of the bestestest season finales EVER, can LOST's much-hyped (and possibly only 8 episodes due to the fucking Writers Strike) 4th season POSSIBLY live up to my pathetic little expectations?

Check out this trailer and YOU tell ME.

P.S. Here's a Hint:

Yes, GOD, yes!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Bah! Humbug!

I have been finding it quite hard to get into the Christmas Spirit this year.

It's something I try very hard to do each year, and most times I can pull it off.

This year, however, I have been pretty much coming up empty.

And here it was a few days before Christmas, and I hadn't even remotely had that feeling of being at all "Christmasy" yet.

It's not too surprising. I've been in kind of a funk lately. One of the big reasons is that my job has been going Biggie-Size on the Suck lately, so that certainly isn't helping.

Anyway, back in September when I went to Joey's Parent-Teacher night, I signed up, mostly on a whim, to read a story to the kids at some point.

To be honest, I had completely forgotten about it until I got a note from school Wednesday reminding me that it was supposed to go down this past Friday!

So, what to do? After a quick pow-wow with Joey, we decided to read a Christmas story to the class.

What an absolutely fun time it was, too. When I got there, the teacher already had the little tykes all sitting on the floor, waiting for me.

As I read the story, I was amazed at the looks of utmost eagerness on the kids faces.... you would have thought I was reading the most important story of their lives to them.

And who knows? For that brief few minutes of time, maybe to them, I was.

But what made it all worthwhile was seeing my little mini-me, sitting dead center, eyes fixed on me, with the biggest ear-to-ear grin I have ever seen in my life, on his little face.

He was SO damn proud, he made me want to just throw the book away and sweep him up and hug him.

In in those moments, reading that tale to that class, and seeing how happy it made my son, wouldn't you know it but just like the Grinch, the spirit of Christmas fought it's way through.

Anyway, the story was a huge hit. I got a standing "O" and was asked to read another.

At one point, one of the kids in the class leaned over to my son, and I could hear him say, "Joey, you're dad is AWESOME!".

Yes, I am, aren't I?

Thank God I don't have an ego where a statement like that could go to my head.

Anyway, it's as I write this, technically Christmas eve.

I am going to try to reach out and hold onto that good feeling, and see if I can ride it out thru the next two days.

I feel much better about Christmas now this year than I did at the start of the week, so I guess that's something....

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, you guys...

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Chasing The White Horse

Last night it was real windy here on Long Island, and as usually happens on my block, we lost our power at about 5:30 pm.

So, here I was, trying to eat dinner in the dark, when I notice a car outside my home stopped in the street, with the lights on and engine running.

I live on a corner house at a 4 way intersection of Suburbia, but there is NOT a stop sign in front of my house, but on the other cross street.

“Hmmmmm”, I wonder. Since there isn’t a stop in front of my house, what could this guy be doing stopped in front of my house.

Being a nosy bastard, I stepped outside onto my porch, into the near complete darkness of the blackout, to see what was up with this guy.

So, I’m watching this genius, as he puts on his interior light, looks around suspiciously (he can’t see me because the block is so dark), and then proceeds to ….

… wait for it….

… he proceeds to tap out some cocaine on his dashboard, roll up a dollar bill, and SNORT IT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE!

I just couldn’t believe what I just saw. I literally stood openmouthed for a few seconds thinking, “Did I just fucking see what I thought I just fucking saw?”.

Oh yes, I did.

So I did what any self-respecting homeowner would do…

I picked up a tree branch that was on my lawn, and ran over to his S.U.V. yelling “Hey, Motherfucker!” while taking a swipe at his taillight.

And just like I would expect from a moron who can’t think ahead enough to snort cocaine while in the confines of his own home, he panicked and sped away.

It was too dark to see the fucker’s license plate, too…

When I walked back inside, I had to listen to my wife bitch at me about how I shouldn’t have done what I did.

Apparently she’s seen one too many Scorsese movies, because now she’s worried that this ass-hat is going to come back to the house for a little payback, yelling “Say Hello To My Little Friend”, as he and 10 of his friends pepper my house with machine gun fire….

If only!

Now THAT would finally give me something to blog about…..

Monday, December 10, 2007

Uncomfortable Silences

The title of this post is from one of my favorite movies, “Pulp Fiction”.

At one quiet point in the 50’s-style diner scene, Uma turns to Travolta and says, “Don’t you just hate that?”. And when Travolta says, “What?”, Uma replies, “Uncomfortable Silences”.

That line always struck a chord with me, because I truly can’t STAND awkward silences in a conversation with someone I’ve just met.

Seriously, I will begin to panic and blurt out any stupid shit that comes into my head when I’m talking with a near-stranger and there is a lull in the conversation.

Oh, the stories I could tell.. (P.S. If only I had a place to tell you those stories. Wait, what? Never mind).

Why am I bringing this up?

I was out Saturday afternoon, getting take-out at a local pizza joint. As I walk in, I notice that there weren’t too many people there. Only 3 of the dozen or so tables inside had any patrons sitting at them.

As I’m ordering, I look over and notice one of the tables, where 2 women are sitting opposite each other, while eating their lunches.

Friends, I assumed.

As I’m waiting for my order, I kept glancing over at them, because it was striking me as odd that since I had walked in, NEITHER OF THEM HAD SAID A WORD!

Now, because its on my mind, I kept watching these 2 chicks while I wait for my order.
5 minutes go by.

10 minutes.

Still not a WORD from either one of them.

How the HELL can they stand it? The uncomfortable silence is KILLING ME, and I’m not even at the fucking table!

Another minute goes by, and now I am becoming increasingly obsessed with the pair, as frantic thoughts like these race through my head:

“It’s not so crowded in here that they would have needed to share a table. Maybe it was crowded right before I got here and it emptied out quickly?”

“Do they even know each other?”

“If they don’t know each other, why the Holy Hell are they sitting at the same table?”

“They aren’t even looking at each other! They are just staring past each other into space!”

“Oh Lord in Heaven why won’t they just SAY SOMETHING! Anything!”

“For the Love of God why doesn’t one of them just fucking SPEAK!!!!!”


As I am paying for my order, somewhere around the 15 minute mark, Girl # 1 casually looks over at Girl # 2 and says, “Wanna go to the movies later?”. Girl # 2 replies, without looking up from her meal, “Sure, I guess”.

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief as I walked out with my pizza.

How the Hell did those two go thru that long a span without saying ANYTHING to each other, without going batshit crazy, is anyone’s guess, but I know for DAMN sure that my neurotic ass wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

By the 2 minute mark, I would have been saying SOMETHING to the other person.

By the 5 minute mark, I would have completely lost it and started babbling about the average rainfall in Paraguay……. Anything!

Anything to break that dreaded uncomfortable silence.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Go Elf Yourself

Never let it be said that I don't know how to waste time doing something really stupid.

I've been fooling around with this all week, and finally decided to put up one of myself...

Is that not the funniest damn thing you have ever seen? Kudos for Office Max for creating such a lovely and fun complete waste of time.

I INTENDED for myself to be in the center (because I have a big ego like that), but the damn site mixed up the order, and as lazy as I am, even I'M too lazy to start over resizing all the pictures again.

And before I hear any shit from Angela, No, she DIDN'T cut her hair. Her hair is still long and luxurious, all flaxen and whatnot. I HAD to give her a bob cut or the stupid thing wouldn't accept the face.

There. Legal disclaimer "so I wouldn't have to hear any shit about how bad her picture came out" has been dispensed.

Merry Christmas, folks.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Simply The Best

Ok, never let it be said that Earl can take the time to put together a post that I cannot then in turn steal. Serves him right for not posting here anymore, anyway.

At any rate, Earl decided to list IMDB’s Top 100 movies of all time, to see how many he hasn’t seen yet.

Usually, I’m not a fan of the IMDB list, because new movies tend to jump right on the list, even if they blow, which kind of peeves me. Sure, eventually most of them trickle off, but the current list seems to be almost always “off” by a bit.

Anyway, the movies I haven’t seen, I have put in red.

The Godfather (1972).
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
The Godfather: Part II (1974)
Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966)
Pulp Fiction (1994)
Schindler's List (1993)
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Casablanca (1942)
Shichinin no samurai (1954) – I can’t believe I still have not seen this movie.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Star Wars (1977)
12 Angry Men (1957)
Rear Window (1954)
Goodfellas (1990)
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Cidade de Deus (2002) – Heard a lot about it, but haven’t gotten to it yet.
C'era una volta il West (1968) – Another one that’s always been on my list.
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Psycho (1960)
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) – Have had this plugged into my Tivo for 2 years now.. its NEVER on.
No Country for Old Men (2007) - See what I mean? This is too new to be on this list!
Citizen Kane (1941)
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
North by Northwest (1959)
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Memento (2000)
Fight Club (1999)
Sunset Blvd. (1950) – No desire to see this one.
Lawrence of Arabia (1962) – I have this one. Will finally watch it soon.
It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
The Matrix (1999)
Taxi Driver (1976)
Se7en (1995)
Apocalypse Now (1979)
American Beauty (1999)
Vertigo (1958)
Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le (2001) – No clue
Léon (1994)
The Departed (2006)
American History X (1998)
Paths of Glory (1957) – It’s Kubrick, so I should get on this one.
Chinatown (1974)
M (1931) – Another one on my “one day” list.
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) - Shamefull, I know. No excuse here.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
The Third Man (1949)
A Clockwork Orange (1971) - Awesome!
Laberinto del fauno, El (2006) – HBO is playing it constantly. I’ll watch it soon.
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) – Again, no excuse.
Alien (1979)
The Pianist (2002)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
The Shining (1980)
Double Indemnity (1944)
L.A. Confidential (1997)
Leben der Anderen, Das (2006) – huh?
Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Untergang, Der (2004)
The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Boot, Das (1981) - I have never had a desire to see this one.
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Metropolis (1927) – I think if you don’t end up seeing this in college, you don’t see it at all.
Forrest Gump (1994)
Aliens (1986)
Raging Bull (1980)
Rashômon (1950)
Singin' in the Rain (1952)
Rebecca (1940)
Hotel Rwanda (2004)
Sin City (2005)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
Modern Times (1936)
All About Eve (1950)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Some Like It Hot (1959)
The Great Escape (1963)
Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)
Amadeus (1984)
On the Waterfront (1954) – Not yet seeing this in it’s entirety shames me.
Touch of Evil (1958)
The Elephant Man (1980)
The Prestige (2006)
The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Jaws (1975)
Vita è bella, La (1997)
The Sting (1973)
Strangers on a Train (1951) – One of the few Hitchcock films I haven’t seen.
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Ratatouille (2007) – This should NOT even be on this fucking list!
The Apartment (1960) - Been wanting to see this for awhile.
City Lights (1931)
Braveheart (1995)
Batman Begins (2005)
The Big Sleep (1946)
Nuovo cinema Paradiso (1988)

Wow. 37 movies on the supposed top 100 that I have never seen in its entirety.

I KNEW Earl would beat me on this, because he has no life (and hates all Canadians).

In my defense, I truly believe that about half of this list is utter shite.

How many did YOU get?