Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

So, we had a bit of excitement at the house last week.

Last Wednesday, I’m off at work and my wife was at home with my son, when suddenly a white van with tinted windows screeches up to the front of our home, and 3 men come running out, open the door to our backyard, and proceed to begin pounding on our den door!

To use simple speech, they scared the shit outta my wife. They were asking to speak to “Diane”. We don’t know any Diane, and after a bit of arguing between them and my wife (all through the closed door… she was smart enough not to open it), they left.

My wife then runs upstairs to call me at work. While she is dialing, she hears my son talking to someone downstairs. With a start, she looks out the window to see the van is back!

Now completely bat-shit panicked, she runs downstairs to see my son talking to the guys through the door, who are again in our backyard.

This time, however, they identify themselves as police. Tiny little tidbit that they didn’t seem was relevant the FIRST time, I guess.

Anyway, my wife was (rightly so) not buying it. They were demanding that she open up the door, because they needed to talk to our tenant, Diane.

The only problem is, we don’t have a tenant.

Clearly, they had the wrong house, but refused to believe it, which is pretty fucking unbelievable since our HOUSE ADDRESS IS IN HUGE NUMBERS ON THE FRONT OF OUR HOME!

Anyway, after 15 minutes of them insisting through the other side of the door that we have a tenant (we don’t), that we are hiding Diane (we weren’t), and that I work for the corrections department (I don’t), the Brainiac of the bunch finally started to glean that they might have had the wrong house, and left to try the house across the street……

…. Where they DID find the person they were looking for.

It appears that we were at least marginally involved in one of the biggest pot busts ever on Long Island.

The funny thing is, I know the jackass who is mentioned in the story. “Midas Rob” used to park his big-ass Escalade in front of my house 3 nights a week, while he went inside the house across the street to pork our neighbor’s live-in tenant, the aforementioned “Diane”.

This guy was a world-class asshole, who more than once got my Sicilian blood boiling, parking his car in front of my home late at night, and starting it up and gunning it at 2am after he has finished his "business”. My wife has stopped me from taking a tire iron to this guy’s windshield more than once.

Which makes me ticked pink that he is hopefully, as we speak, getting his anus violated at one of Long Island’s finer correctional institutions, and from what all the local news and TV stations are saying; he will most likely be there for life.

Which suits me just fine. I never said I wasn’t a vindictive person.

In fact, I fully embrace that fun part of myself…………..

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