Thursday, August 16, 2007

Slyde's Pet Peeve # 1 - Voice Mail

I’ve been pretty aggravated at the world in general lately, so I thought that this would be as good a time as any to kick off the inaugural post on a topic that I have had stirring around in my mind for awhile now.

This, ladies and gents, is the first in what will undoubtedly be a Looooooooong list of things that really piss me off….

You know what I’m talking about. I’m not speaking of the ridiculous messages that people leave on their answering machines at home (that would be a whole other rant).
No, I’m talking about when you are at work, and you need to call someone else within the company, and the INSANE amount of verbal diarrhea you have to listen to before you can actually leave your message.
During the course of my typical workday, I have to deal with THIS about 100 times a day:
Me: “I’d better call John Jackass to see if he’s coming to that meeting. Let me call him now.”
Me: Dialing....
Me: Waiting thru 4 rings for the answering machine to kick in.
Machine: “Hello, you have reached the desk of John Jackass of the Fuck-A-Duck company. I am currently away from my desk….”
Me: Well, gee thanks. Up until this point I was certain I was talking to a live person…
Machine: “….Please, at the sound of the beep, please leave your name, number, and time of call, and I’ll be sure to get back to you as quick as I can.”
Me: Yawn. Thanks for that quick instructional. I had no idea I had to leave my name and number in order for you to get back to me.
Machine: “Thanks, and have a great day!”.
Me: Fuck you.
If I could actually leave my message at this point, I wouldn’t be complaining here, but THEN we get treated to…..
Machine: Super robot-like voice tells me “Please leave your message at the sound of the beep.”
Me: Again, thanks… before I heard that I was just talking over this ass-clown and leaving my message.
Machine: “When you are finished leaving your message, please either hang up the phone…”
Me: Really? I can hang up when I’m done? Why didn’t anyone ever fucking tell me that before?
Machine: “or press 2 to delete the message, 3 to edit the message, 4 to transfer to a different extension, 5 to copy this message to another extension, 6 to hear Pi read out to four trillion digits, 7 for instructions on slitting your own wrists, or # to hear these instructions again.”
Me: Anyone who has ever, in the history of the planet, ever hit #, should be shot.
Machine: *Beep*
Me: Huh? Where am I? What time is it? What was I doing again?

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