Thursday, May 31, 2007

We Need Girlfriends - Episode 4

Continuing the fine tradition of me being able to update my blog without actually writing anything new, below is episode 4 of the funniest webisode on the net.

In this installment, Rod and Henry finally have their big fight and challenge each other to a battle of wits and words.

This show is my favorite web addiction of late, and it just gets funnier and funnier....

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Wii Have A Problem...

So, I took some time off today to accompany my son to a school outing. The local high school chorus put on a 1 hour show just for the nursery school kids.

I get him there, and there are about 100 seniors there, on stage in the chorus. Also there are the conductor/teacher, and about another dozen or so adults & faculty.

The audience is composed solely of the 15 or so kids in my son's nursery school, and the half dozen parents and teachers who accompanied them. Cleary, this show was meant just for the kids.

So they begin. The teacher introduces herself to the kids, and talks in that baby-talk speech that only parents get to know so well. In her defense, she was VERY nice and the kids were enjoying themselves.

To start the show, she begins by explaining to the wee ones that all these singers chose to sing in the chorus as an activity. She goes on to say explain to the kids that, when they get big, they can choose whatever activities they want: singing, sports, it's all up to them.

She then goes on to ask the kids, "So, does anyone here play any sports?"

Much to my surprise, Joey puts his hand up and yells out, "I do!".

At this point I'm looking at him like he has 2 heads. My son has NOT really been into sports yet, and at the rate of his general disinterest in going out and even kicking a ball around, I'm not sure he ever will be.

So his sudden admission of being a sports fan was more than a little surprising to me.

"Oh, good for you!", the teacher exclaims. "What kind of sports do you like to play?"

At this point my son stands up and yells out, "I play Wii Boxing, Wii Tennis, Wii Bowling, Wii Baseball, and Wii Golf!"

The place then goes into literally 5 minutes of hysterics as the high schoolers laugh their asses off and applaud. His delivery really brought the house down.

Meanwhile the whole time the teacher is staring at Joey, then at me, trying to pretend like she thinks its funny too, but looking at me with these pleading eyes which clearly said to me, "What the Fuck is a Wii?"

My son is only 4 and I already see myself getting many calls from future school principles.

I'd like to finish by asking where the Hell he gets the attitude from, but I think we BOTH know the answer to THAT one....

Thursday, May 24, 2007

This Just In...

Lost is the greatest Damn show on the planet.

For anyone who was in doubt after their lackluster start this season, and then their ridiculous 3 month hiatus, Lost just picked up more and more steam as the season drew to a close, and last night their season finale was, simply put, the greatest fucking thing since sliced bread.

Seriously. I don't think I've seen a finale that good since the series finale of Six Feet Under.
If you gave up on this show, do yourself a solid this summer and rent the episodes you missed to catch up.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

We Need Girlfriends, Episode 3

Wow, TWO updates from me in TWO days! Holy shit, I must really have something to say!

Not really.

But I thought I'd at least put up the third episode of my favorite guys from Queens.
In this installment the guys try to spruce up Tom's MySpace page. This show just gets better and better.

I love these guys!

Monday, May 21, 2007

I'm Back

...from outer space

Well, not quite (although there were times when it kinda felt like it!).

No, I am back from my much-hyped vacation from the Dominican Republic.

Overall, it was a much needed trip for me. 7 days of just sitting my ass under a palm tree and drinking Pina Coladas and Coco Loco’s until my eyes were swimming.

I don’t think I have EVER been on a vacation where I did more NOTHING than this one....

My entire week consisted of virtually the same routine, day after day..

- Wake up around 9

- Eat Breakfast

- Turn my Ipod on and lay at the beach or pool.

- Order Girl drinks every time a waiter passed me by.

- Every 30 minutes or so, dive into the water, swim over to the water bar, and order more drinks.

- Play with my son in the water, while holding Girl Drink in my free hand. Note: this is HARD!

- Eat Dinner

- Drink and play cards on the veranda while the kids all played together (and thank god for portable DVD players!)

- Play Roulette in the casino till I pass out. (I drank there too, but no girl drinks for me there, thank you very much. No, in the casino I move over to manly Screwdrivers!).

- Stumble back to room and sleep.

That was it. For an entire week.

And ya know what? I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

For some, vacation is a place to sightsee and hustle-bustle. For me, it’s a way to completely shut down and shut out the world for a while.

Funniest part of the trip: After nearly a week of living somewhere where almost NO ONE spoke ANY English whatsoever, my son kinda snapped.

When we got to dinner, and the waiter came up and said “Hola”, I guess Joey had finally had enough of not being able to understand anyone.

He threw his napkin down in disgust and yelled, "Enough with all these Holas, already! I want to leave Spanish-ville!!!"

If the waiter HAD understood English, he probably would have spit in my food...

Anyway, I have some pics that I will put up, but I have so far been too lazy to take them off the camera. I will be sure to do so later in the week.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

If You Like Pina Coladas

And I do. Oh yes, I do.

I also like margaritas, mudslides, fuzzy navels, toasted almonds, and just about any other girl-drink that mankind has concocted.

I drink the hard stuff too, for sure, but when I am on vacation, I basically slurp down anything that comes near me with a swizzle straw, little umbrella, or is served in a coconut.

Yes, when I am relaxing on vacation, I am a Girl-Drink Drunk.

And relaxing on vacation is exactly where I'll be, starting tomorrow.

Heading on down to the Dominican Republic for a week to see just how dark I can get this hot-blooded Sicilian skin of mine.

I won't promise that there will be stories of excessive gambling and general drunken silliness when I get back next week, but it's a pretty damn good bet.

See? I'm betting already! It's a sickness, I tells ya!

Anyway, be good people. I'll catch up with ya'll next week.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

We Need Girlfriends, Episode 2

As promised, here is episode 2 of one of the funniest and most professional-looking ametuer serials out on the net.

In this episode, the gang get invited to a blue party. Hilarity ensues. Enjoy!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Evil Genius At Work


I'm putting my son to bed the other night, when he looks up at me and says …

“Daddy, can you help me tomorrow to build a contraption?”

“Contraption?” Where the Hell did he learn that word? Half of my co-workers probably wouldn’t know what the heck a 'contraption' is!

I decided to press on….

“Sure, we can build a contraption tomorrow. What do you have in mind?”.

He tells me, “Well, I need some Thomas the Tank Engine train tracks, your old yo-yo, some jelly beans, and the big electric fan that’s in the closet.”.

Keep in mind that my son is only 4. He floored me with this odd assortment of knick-knacks.

Thinking that he was half-loopy with sleep, I tucked him in with assurances that tomorrow we would build the contraption, thinking it would long be forgotten by morning.

Not a chance.

At 7AM, I am suddenly awakened with “Daddy, come quick! It’s an emergency!”.

Usually this means we are headed for a Pee-Pee Emergency, so I get my ass out of bed and head to his bedroom.

But pee-pee was not to be the culprit of his anxiety this day….

“Daddy, let’s start building my contraption!”.

So, half-asleep, we head out to his playroom, where he proceeds to take a length of his Thomas train tracks and assemble them in a straight line of track, and lays it on the floor.

Then he takes my old yo-yo that I had stashed in my nightstand, and places it standing up on its end onto the train tracks, so it can roll.

At this point I am pretty baffled.

Now he begs me to get the big electric fan out of the closet. It’s one of those big oscillating fans that sits on a big stand, and is probably 5 feet tall.

“Daddy, plug it in and hold it up close to the yo-yo! Quick, Daddy! The contraption is almost done!”.

So, I do as I am told, and hold the fan up next to the yo-yo, and he reaches in with his little hands and turns the fan on HI.

Once the fan gets up to full power, the wind from the fan starts to make the yo-yo roll slowly down the train tracks. The yo-yo, guided by the grooves on the tracks, continues to roll down the length of the track, until it rolls off the end.

Still not getting it, I look over to my son who is smiling from ear to ear.

“It works!” he yells, jumping up and down. “It really works!”.

As for the Jelly beans, he tells me they are his reward for building such a good contraption, and proceeds so shove a handful into his little mouth...

I laughed so hard, I almost had my own Pee-Pee Emergency.