Sunday, January 28, 2007

What I'm Reading - January 2007

I'm not a huge fan of Thomas Harris, but I have loved the Hannibal Lecter books with a passion. Even the much-maligned previous book, Hannibal, I thought was pretty much aces (except for the end, which I thought just got silly).

But I have say, if you love Hannibal, you should pass this one by. Better to remember fondly of our quirky flesh-eating doctor than to read this current installment.

In Hannibal Rising, Mr. Harris treats us to the previously unknown origin of Lector. Where he grew up, what he was like as a boy, and what events transpired to make him into the happy-go-lucky madman we all know and love.

The problem is, the book kinda blows. Every scene is told in an overview format, like you are reading the Cliff Notes version, or better yet, reading the summary of a script.

And you know what? We probably ARE. The book has been out for about 2 months now, and the movie hits the popcorn stands this month. It seems pretty obvious that this book was just hastily written as an excuse to get the name "Hannibal Lecter" back in theatres.

I listened to this book on audio, and it ran in at under 6 hours. 6 hours! In audio-book language, that's barely enough time to get to know a character, much less have the book end.

At least now I know enough to stay away from the movie. You should too....

Monday, January 22, 2007

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These

I haven’t had a nightmare in 20 years.

It’s true. About 2 decades ago, back when I was in college (damn, I’m getting old!), I learned to train myself to not have nightmares anymore.

As a kid, I was plagued with horrible nightmares. Some nights, I could remember waking my poor parents up as much as 10 times in a night, as every time my little head hit the pillow, I would soon after awake screaming from one night horror or another.

As I got older, the frequency of my nightmares diminished slightly, but not as much as my parents had hoped, although the type of nightmare I would have got more sophisticated. Gone were the beasties and goblins under my bed, only to be replaced by escaped mental patients with baseball bats and kidnappers.

Then one day, I just made it stop.

I can remember it quite vividly. I was a freshman in college, and I was dreaming that I was in a hot-air balloon race across the Atlantic (yeah, I know…… I’m f’ing weird), when my balloon developed a leak, and I started to sink into the sea, where hungry crocodiles were waiting to chomp me to bits.

This would NORMALLY be about the time I would wake up with a start or a scream, but I had been reading some books on dream therapy and something must have carried over into the world of dreamy-land, because suddenly, inside the dream, I told myself, “This is a dream, and I can do whatever I want.”. I then proceeded to magically fix the hole in my balloon, and floated off to safety.

When I awoke later on, I was amazed.

Something must have snapped in my ID that day, since the same thing happens any time I am having a bad dream even today. If I start to have a dream that a murderer is chasing me, for instance, there is always a point where I suddenly snap to, and pick up a bat in my dream and beat the living shit out of the guy. Then I wake up happy. As I said, not ONE nightmare in 20 years now. It’s kinda freaky…..

Not that this has anything really to do with what I was about to talk about, except that the one side effect this ability seems to have had on my subconscious is that sometimes I have pretty fucked up dreams…..

Case in point:

Last night I had a dream that I was living in an apartment with my grandfather (I don’t, although I did grow up living in the same house with him).

In the dream, I came home early from work, only to find a dark-skinned man putting on his underwear in my living room.

When I confronted the man, I realized that it was Adam Durits, the lead singer of the Counting Crows.

He sat me down and started explaining to me that my grandfather was getting dressed in the bedroom, and that he would be out in a minute.

He further went on to explain to me that he and my grandfather were lovers, and had been together for 6 years now, when they met at a party. He was upset because neither he nor my grandfather wanted me to find out about their Brokebacking ways in this way….

This morning, I woke up laughing my ass off at such an odd dreaming, but as I said, for me, it’s become par for the course to have dreams such as this….

Anyone out there a dreams analyst? Someone has GOT to explain this one to me.

I just can’t look at my grandfather in the face again until I get some closure.

And a shower….

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Joey Hits Like A Girl

As promised, stare in wide wonder below at my son attempting to box his very first opponent on our new Nintendo Wii.

He was doing quite swimmingly, at first. I thought I was looking at the next Rocky Balboa.

That is, until right before he was about to knock the guy out and started screaming like a little girl that he "Wanted Daddy to do it".

Where is this kid's Eye Of The Tiger?

He sure as Heck doesn't get that sensitive stuff from me. I'm a real He-Man, ladies.....

Monday, January 15, 2007


Pardon for the lack of posting the past few days, but what with a 3-day weekend here in the States (Martin Luther King day), I haven't really thought too much about blogging.


Lately, I have had a minor obsession with the SuDoko puzzle craze that has been hitting the world for the past 6 month or so. I only recently finally decided to sit down and try to see what all the fuss was about, and I have to say that it is Hella-addicting.

So today, I had decided to satiate my SuDuko obsession, and go to the local Toys R Us to buy an electronic Suduko game where I could plug into the TV and play it at home. As I take my $14.99 purchase to the counter I decide to throw out the question I have now asked pretty much every TRU employee once or twice a week for 2 months now.

"Do you happen to have any idea when you will be getting another Wii shipment in?"

Now, this is the point I am usually laughed at, and given a really rude answer to the question that this poor slob has been asked about every 10 minutes since he got to work that day.

But today, I got a shocking response:

"Do you want one? We have 2 left".

Holy Crap!

Needless to say, my crappy little SuDoku machine is probably still in the store, exactly where I dropped kicked it.

The Wii is a total pisser. I just took some video of my son playing the boxing game that should make the cyber-world collectively pee their pants. If I have some time this week, I'll try to convert it so I can throw it up on Youtube for ya'll.

So, I walked into Toys R Us expecting to spend 15 bucks, and walk out $250 lighter.... Story of my life.

But damn is it fun.

p.s. Don't hate me, Yasamin. I know you wanted one even more than I did. Keep the faith, sister. Your day will come (and if you can hightail it pronto to Long Island, the Massapequa TRU may still have one left.....)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Things That Mean Nothing - December 2006

I'm doing this kind of late this month, mostly because I spent last week discussing why my evil side is a chick with a big rack.

Anyway, we really exploded with people searching the web for us this month. Unfortunately, what people came here in record numbers for last month was once again nude pictures of Pauley -Name Removed - naked. But we had an upset this month. Instead of our usual second most searched-for item (Kim Director naked), the very lovely Survivor: Cook Islands hottie-boom-bottie Parvati took our number 2 spot, with a few hundred horny guys coming here trying to find her naked.

This month I'll spare you the complete listing of the 10,000 ways desperate men searched for these chicks naked, and just show ya some of the funnier searches.

chris daugtry
joey grandpa
pauley -Name Removed - 's tattoo gallery
survivor adam banana
survivor cook islands donkey raping
ozzie survivor nude
south park chef gif
buy a cool yamika

Now I'm sorry, there are some interesting searches on that list, but I can't seem to get my head around ONE of them...

"Survivor Cook Islands Donkey Raping?"

What the fuck, people? That is like, NINE different kind of ways of Wrong there. Who the Hell here is into THAT? (It's you, Badger, just fucking with me, isn't it?).

Anyway, Survivor seems to have been the big hit here this month, between nudie picks of Parvati, "adam's banana", and random donkey molestation.

And finally, "Buy a cool yamika"???

As if there were any other kind......

Until next month, peeps...

Monday, January 08, 2007

It's Good To Be Bad...

And a second thanks goes out to my old friend Dragondarch who found the Yin to my last post's Yang, the SuperVillian Quiz.

My results....

Dark Pheonix??

Dark Phoenix
Dr. Doom
Mr. Freeze
The Joker
Lex Luthor
Poison Ivy
Green Goblin
A prime example of emotional extremes: Passion and fury incarnate.

Once again, I was 1 choice away from greatness, as the Juggernaut is one of my all-time favorite villains (and choice # 3 Venom wouldn't have been too shabby either).

Dark Phoenix is a kick-ass chick, to be sure, but the LEAST this damn quiz could have done was to let me be someone with a weenie...

Oh well, foiled again :(

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Well, At Least I'm Green

Much love to Yasamin for showing me The Superhero Quiz.

In case you didn't know, I have been a Comic Book Nerd for as long as I can remember, and from the beginning, my favorite superhero of all time was the Hulk.

So when I saw this quiz, I hoped upon hope that this test would confirm what I have always known in my little fanboy heart to be true....

That I am, in fact, The Incredible Hulk.....

So, giddy with anticipation, I took the quiz, and it turns out that I am actually.....

The Green Lantern???

Green Lantern




The Flash




Wonder Woman












Iron Man


Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.

Ugg! What the Hell is up with that? I HATE the Green Lantern! Hell, the Green Lantern isn't even from Marvel, for God's sake....

Oh well, at least Hulk was number 2 on my list, so I actually came pretty damn close.
One sad final note: I actually considered re-taking the test and changing my answers to what I think the Hulk would say, so I could fix the results and be the Hulk.

But that would be pathetic, wouldn't it?

Because, you know, up until that point it wasn't lame at all...

What Superhero are you?

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

New Year, New Look

If you were around last January, you might remember that for the New Year I tried to change the look of the site a bit, so I figured, why fuck with tradition?

This is far from a major overhaul, and I'm not even sure I'm done fiddling with it yet, but I thought I should try changing things up a bit. It was getting a bit stale in here, wasn't it?


Another year down. I am going to play the "grandpa" card and say something that only he would say....

I cannot BELIEVE that it is 2007 already! Where is the time going? Why, just yesterday it was Y2K and I had to go get the milk from the Olsen's Mercantile before supper or Pa was going to be mighty sore, and....

Ahem, sorry about that. I seem to have had a sudden case of Little House Of The Prairie. It's passed now.

Anyway, 2006 was a good year, all things told. I'm healthy (and still smokin' hot), my family is good, my son continues to amaze me everyday, and my house hasn't been washed away by any Acts of God. By some miracle, I still have a job, which I honestly don't understand since in the past 2 years they have systematically fired off about 70 percent of our employees.

And speaking of the New Year, I spent a nice one getting obliterated with some good friends, which is about the nicest way I can think of spending it (and pretty much the same damn way I spent it LAST year.).

In terms of the site, we saw our numbers really take off this year, and look to be right on target to hit our 10,000th visitor in the near future. I love that you guys take the time out of your busy (or in the case of Earl, NOT so busy) days, and read whatever I chanced upon typing here, and post in the forums. All of it. It makes my day. For that, I thank you.

I made alot of new cyber-buddies this year as well. These are people who, although I have never had (and probably never will have) the pleasure of meeting, in this age of technology that brings the world closer, I think of some of you as my very good friends. You can be their friends too, by clicking on their links in my FRIENDS page to the left.

I Hope this year brings you all everything you could ask for, and more.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry. Now I'm all veklempt.......