Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Horror! The Horror!

I've been meaning to put this up for a week or so now, but I've been too busy (i.e. lazy) to get to it.

British digital channel Film4 recently got together a list of movie "experts" and composed a list of what they feel are the top 50 movies of all time. It seems like every major entertainment rag or internet site has their own version of such a list, but I thought I'd throw this one out there.

There are some real interesting picks there. As a rabid movie fan, I DO agree with alot of these, but I can easily take issue with at least half of what's on this list. It's certainly not mainstream, which might be what they were going for, but if this were MY list, I'd be replacing about HALF of these with other titles.

Counting only movies that I have sat thru from start to finish, I have seen only 25 of these films (counting movies I have seen "most" of, I can add another 7 or so), and I only own 9 of these movies on DVD (I'll give the first person mad props who correctly guesses which 9 I plunked down my ducats on).

I know Earl is going to beat me by at least 15, but then again he always was even more of a movie nerd than I was......

How about you?

Apocalypse Now
The Apartment
City of God
Chinatown
Sexy Beast
2001: A Space Odyssey
North by Northwest
A Bout de Souffle
Donnie Darko
Manhattan
Alien
Lost in Translation
The Shawshank Redemption
Lagaan: Once Upon A Time in India
Pulp Fiction
Touch of Evil
Walkabout
Black Narcissus
Boyzn the Hood
The Player
Come and See
Heavenly Creatures
A Night at the Opera
Erin Brockovich
Trainspotting
The Breakfast Club
Hero
Fanny and Alexander
Pink Flamingos
All About Eve
Scarface
Terminator 2
Three Colours: Blue
The Royal Tenen-baums
The Ladykillers
Fight Club
The Searchers
Mulholland Drive
The Ipcress File
The King of Comedy
Manhunter
Dawn of the Dead
Princess Mononoke
Raising Arizona
Cabaret
This Sporting Life
Brazil
Aguirre: The Wrath of God
Secrets and Lies
Badlands.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Time For An Excorcist

There is probably a 10th Circle of Hell somewhere reserved for me for doing crap like this, but Dammit did I get a laugh out of it.


In my defense, I have been scratching my head trying to come up with things I can do to justify this nifty but expensive face-tracking webcam I bought last month.

I'm not sure this exactly qualifies, but at least now I feel like I've gotten about $10 worth of enjoyment out of it.

If I do another 20 or so stupid things like this with it, then I'll consider it even money.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Outwit! Outplay! Outlast! Outraged!

Much like Superman, I too have one weakness.

For me, it’s not Kryptonite, but Reality TV.

If you’ve been coming here for any amount of time, you have no doubt heard me expunge about my obsession with this nasty habit: Surreal Life, Real World, American Idol, Apprentice, Amazing Race, etc.

No matter how much I try to tell myself I’d be better off just reading a book, I find myself time and again getting myself invested in the lives of people I could otherwise care less about.

But of ALL my Reality TV obsessions, not one of them comes close to the near Jihad-level of fanaticism that I have for “Survivor”. I don’t know what it is about the show that captivates me like a Pavlovian dog, but captivate me it does.

Allow me to use bullet points to detail my level of obsession:

- Except for the VERY first episode of season 1, when my damn VCR died on me, I have watched every single episode of Survivor EVER. The day my TIVO abandons me and I miss an episode, the world will feel my wrath.

- I tried out for Survivor 3: Africa, which had been regarded by far as their most brutal season for the contestants. I actually got a few stages into the interview process before I got the “We might call you for a future season” stock answer. My audition tape was genius (I had thought): I was running thru the jungle in a Blair Witch-type spoof except in my video, it was my first night on the island. I had the Blair Witch outfit on, and it was pretty damn funny if I do say so myself. And no, you cannot see the video. I am not ready to bestow that level of humiliation upon myself. Trust me, Earl has been begging to see it for 4 years now. It’s not going to happen.

- As a goof one year, I decided to run a small Survivor pool with Earl, my niece, and myself. It was kinda fun. Enough fun that the next season I asked a few people at work to join in. Word spread, and every year the pot got bigger and bigger as more and more people joined in. I had strangers calling me saying “Hi, my sister works with a friend who knows someone who is in your Survivor pool. I want in! Where do I send the check?”. By the last few seasons I was running it, the pot had gotten pretty big for what was supposed to be a fun little game. When all the layoffs started here, It got depressing to keep removing names from the pool, so I finally decided to close shop on it.

- Sometime in the near future, I will be sending in another audition tape. I want to be on that show. I need to be on that show. It is MY DESTINY!

Anyhoo, how much I am obsessed with Survivor is not the point of this article.

You may have heard in the news this week that CBS has finally released information about the upcoming season, titled Survivor: Cook Islands, and the new cast. They made a bit of a stir because this season, they have decided to begin the game with 4 separate tribes, segregated by race!

You heard that right.

This season, we wont be treated to the typical pairings of 2 tribes, with the usual early division and strife between the young hotties and the older geezers (wonder which side I’ll be on when I finally get on?).

No, this season the 4 teams will be Whites, Blacks, Asian, and Hispanics. You can check out their pics above.

As soon as the announcement was made, the public outcry began. Civil Liberties organizations in NYC have already called to boycott the show, and similar statements have been made all throughout the country.

And isn’t that EXACTLY what Marc Burnett wants for his little show? After last seasons rating’s slip (The show however is still a huge moneymaker, costing almost nothing to make and consistently falling in the top 10), Burnett felt he needed to shake things up a bit and create some controversy. He attempted to use the idea last season on his other reality show, The Apprentice, but apparently the Don nixed the idea after getting some bad press about it.

How will this affect the show? I have no idea, but I for one applaud any time a show tries to push some boundaries, in almost any way it can think of.

I will definitely be watching (as if anyone had any doubt!).

Sunday, August 20, 2006

For Everything Else, There's MasterCard

For all the kind people who wrote in and asked how my 3 day vacation was last week:

1 Day Pass to Sesame Place For Family: $125
1 Day Pass to Dutch Wonderland: $90
Parking My Damn Car At Sesame Place: $14
Eating Meals: $150
Hotel: $250
Gas/Tolls: $60
Buying Every Stuffed Animal Known To Man: $100

Seeing The Look Of Joy On My Son's Face: You might think the answer would be "Priceless", but somehow my fucking brain keeps changing that answer to, oh $789.00!

It's not that I can't appreciate the value of making my son happy, but somewhere along the line If someone had pulled me aside and said, "OK, we can make him alittle less happy and knock $300 off the tab", I would have jumped all over it.

I guess it's just hard for me to justify spending that much money for 3 days for anything called a "vacation" that doesn't involve me getting drunk on a beach with strippers somewhere, but maybe that's just me.

Speaking of "The Look Of Joy", check out the unbridled glee on the pic below of my son, after waiting 30 minutes on line for this ride.


I think Lee Harvey had that same look on his face in the book depository.

p.s. I know I'm being a prick. Regardless of what the picture above implies, he really did have fun. I just wish they had thrown in some of those stippers.....

Thursday, August 17, 2006

When Spandex Meets Celluloid

Hello, True Believers!

If you have been reading Earl’s site, then you probably have read his post where he revealed the sordid accusation that he and I used to be some seriously Big-Time comic book collectors.
Well, I’m here to stand up and say that it’s true (shocking, I know, since typically only dweeby guys like Earl are into that, and hot, sexy, model-type guys like me usually don’t go near that kind of stuff.).

But it’s the truth. There, I said it. That was really hard to admit. It would have been so much easier if I had just admitted to being gay, but fortunately for my wife, I’m not.

Anyway, a friend of mine who knows about my extensive knowledge of all things Spandex a while ago asked me to write an article about what I considered to be the best Comic Book-to-Movie adaptations of all time. I’ve been promising myself to do this for a while now, but boredom has finally overtaken me enough that I finally decided to put fingers to keyboard and give it a go.

Keep in mind that, true to form, I have given no real thought to this list beforehand, so I’m doing this from the top of my head. I’m just putting that disclaimer out there since I know that by tonight I’ll have to post in the forums something along the lines of “Crap, I forgot about…..”

But let’s not let anything like the facts dilute the issue here. The list below is what I consider to be the top 5 comic book to movie adaptations of all time:

5) V for Vendetta – Alan More is a master of comic book writing, and even though I read the comic a long time ago, and my memory of it is quite fuzzy, I remember remarking to myself at the time what a great movie this could be. The Wachowski brothers took their Matrix-style, over-the-top take on what is really a politically driven, and not action-oriented, story and made it their own. I didn’t agree with how the entire movie was represented, but as a whole, I have to give credit where credit is due. This movie is a damn fine comic book adaptation.

4) The Crow – This might appear to be an odd choice, since while I think much of this movie is outstanding (The parts with Brandon Lee), the rest of this movie can be pretty much disregarded. The original Crow stories, from back in the 80’s were so dark and sad and compelling that they just sucked me right in. I had never in my life before, or since, read a comic that had “cold revenge” as it’s only plot motivation, but that in a nutshell is exactly what James O’Barr’s black and white story was all about. Lee played the Crow perfectly, and his tragic death while filming one of the movie’s action scenes only served to further underscore the sense of pointless loss prevalent throughout the film.

3) Batman – In the mid 80’s Frank Miller reinvented Batman, changing him from his campy beginnings into the dark, brooding, slightly-crazed Dark Knight that the first movie is based on. The movie really did a fine job of capturing the depressing intensity and violence of Batman’s life. Fans questioned the choice of Michael Keaton in the role of the caped crusader, but Beetle Juice pulled it off. Adding the genius of Jack Nicholson as the Joker instantly made this movie a classic in the eyes of the comic book community. The recent reinvention of the series, Batman Begins, was an admirable return to form for the series, which had gotten worse and worse with each successive sequel. In a close race between BATMAN and BATMAN BEGINS, I will give the “Best” award to BATMAN.

2) X-Men – Brian Singer’s love of comic books really shines in the X-men movies. Singer did X-Men 1 and 2 before leaving the franchise to work on the new Superman movie. X-Men 3, directed by Brett Ratner, doesn’t come close to the magic of the other two. In terms of character development, I would have to give X-Men 1 the nod as my favorite in the series. Singer was constantly pressured by the studio to provide a superhero movie at almost NO budget, and he really came through. Comic book fans were RABID when they learned of an unknown at the time, Hugh Jackman, taking on the key role of Wolverine, but damn did he nail it as good as can be done. Singer had a real handle on the personality of the characters, which X-Men 3 really lacked. From the early moments of X-Men 1 when Wolvie pops his claws in front of a frightened Rogue and she asks “Does it hurt?”, and Wolverine responds sullenly, “Everytime”, I knew this movie was on the right track, and I wasn’t wrong.

1) Sin City – Robert Rodriguez is a comic book fan, and clearly loved Frank Miller’s classic film noir style of gritty storytelling. Never has a comic book (or series of comic books, in the case of the Sin City stories) been so faithfully transposed from paper to film as with Sin City. There are even scenes of the movie that look completely identical to panels from the comic. Transferring this movie from the comic was a true labor of love for Rodriguez and Miller, and it shows throughout the film. I am EAGERLY awaiting the sequel, due out next year.
The more I write, the more I realize I COULD write about some other great comic book movies. I’ll stick with my top 5, but here are some...

Notable mentions:

Superman 2 – What a superhero movie SHOULD be about. Great for it’s day. I’d also give some props to this Summer’s SUPERMAN RETURNS. Aside from what I thought was a cheesy ending, I felt Brian Singer again did comics proud.

Road To Perdition – Great movie, and solid book.

Blade - Parts of it felt like a cheezy made-for-TV movie, but Wesley Snipes really sunk his teeth (get it?) into making the Vampire Hunter come to life.

And before I sign off, here are some of the comic book movies that should NEVER have been made:

Garbage:

Hulk - Being a Hulk fan for about 30 of my 37 years, I SO wanted to love this movie, but I couldn’t leave the theater fast enough….

Aliens Vs Predator – Double points for throwing two great franchises down the toilet.

Fantastic Four – Jessica Alba as the invisible girl? Are you kidding me?

Constantine – The main character is supposed to a smarmy Englishman, and they pick Keanu Reeves? Huh?

Swamp Thing – Ouch! Yuck! Barf!

I could keep going. I could do this for hours, but I’ll stop here.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Can You Tell Me How To Get...

Nothing major going on here today, but I wanted to just drop a quick note to let all you little luv-bunnies know that I will be AWOL for a couple days.

Am I going to some Hedonistic Caribbean holiday? Nope...

Am I going down to New Orleans for my own personal drunken Mardi-Gras? Nopers..

Am I just going away for a few days for some much needed relaxation? You would THINK, but again, no.

No, tomorrow morning at 6am, we leave for HERE and HERE.

When I return next week, I may have to ask one of you kind souls to put me out of my happy-tune-humming, kiddie-pool-peeing, overpriced-stuffed-animal-piece-of-crap buying, Muppet-hating misery.

When I return, I am going to need some laughs (and a prescription for Valium, I'm sure).

So, I had an idea. This could be interesting.

Do me a favor, and finish this sentence:

"The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I ....."

Hopefully this will give me some chuckles upon my return (and if you are all lucky, this trip might give me my NEW all-time most embarrassing moment to share)....

Cya soon guys.........

Friday, August 11, 2006

Pay no Attention to the man behind the curtain.....

Everyone seems to be using E-Blogger to host their blogs.

It certainly seems like the hip thing to do. But of course, i always have to be different.

I registered this name, in case i ever change my mind to use EBlogger, cause God knows it looks easy enough, but for now, if you wish to hear my words of wisdom, please visit the REAL slydesblog at..



WWW.SLYDESBLOG.COM


Hope to see you there! :)

TPS Reports

A friend of mine today sent me the little video below while I was comatose at work watching the clock tick down enough for me to fly home like a bat out of Hell, and although the video isn't much, and kind of silly, it still kinda resonated a chord with me:



Told ya it was silly. But damn did this stupid cover song make me think for a minute about my life.

If you have read this blog for any length of time, then you know that things at my job haven't been so great now for over a year. Our parent company has basically driven us down into the ground under the heel of its big corporate boot, and we are pretty much gasping for air waiting for someone to pull the plug. Clients are leaving us in droves, we continue to have monthly layoffs, and the threat of my job forcing me to commute into NYC instead of my current almost-embarrassingly-easy 10 minute commute is growing with each passing month.

The company really is doomed. The question remains, why do I stay? Why do I sit in my cubicle day after day, much like the mindless zombie in the song above, just ticking off the minutes until someone makes the decision for me to leave for me?

I don't know. It's probably a mixture of a) Them paying me really well to sit on my ass all day and surf the web, b) When I get down to it, I'm really pretty damn lazy, and c) Did I mention they pay me really well for doing almost nothing?

I keep telling myself I will stick out the year, and see what 2007 has to offer me. And who knows? I may actually generate enough drive to really do just that. But I am going to HAVE to do something soon.

I just need to learn to stop coming to work nude before I start going on interviews again......

Monday, August 07, 2006

Free At Last! Free At Last!

If this isn't your first time here, then you have no doubt been treated to the crappiness that is my message forum. It's just about the worst piece of garbage that FrontPage would let me program in, but it really is the best I could do.

At least, it WAS the best I could do. I have been pulling my hair out all weekend trying to get a new discussion board up and running, and I think I may have finally gotten something that will fit the bill for us. Honestly, I think it's pretty damn sweet, if I do say so myself.

For now, I have turned the registration off, because personally I can't friggin' STAND it when I want to post a quick question to some new forum that I have never been to before, and before I am able to, they send me through this whole rigmarole of filling out my life story, getting confirmation emails, and selling my first-born. So, for now, we will be completely free-form like we were previously. But I'm warning you guys: If I start getting daily spam from these losers trying to sell me a barrel full of Viagra (how much of the Damn stuff do I need, anyway?), or links to gorilla porn, then I'm going to have to turn the registration on. Hopefully, it wont come to that.

So, do me a favor and check out the new forum linked below. I'm sure I'll have some bugs for the next few days, but I will do my darnedest to try to clean it up.

Leaving The Nest

In case anyone missed his post on our old forums, our very own lovely and talented B.E. Earl has decided to break out on his own, and start his very own blogsite. I guess in the end, he just couldn't stand my constant literary criticisms and critiques, and my never-ending strive for blogging excellence.....

All joking aside, Earl will be missed here at Slydesblog. Aside from the fact that with his articles he helped keep this site at least on a semblance of timely updated-ness, I will miss getting those great articles in my inbox to post. He says that he will still post here as well, but I think he's just letting me down easy, without even the damn courtesy of a reach-around. Isn't that just LIKE a man?

Anyway aside from linking to it above, Earl's site has already merited the accolade of being added to my LINKS section, along with Kat's site, which was long overdue to be added. Check em both out.............

In other news, so far today the new forums haven't exploded, so I'm already waaaaay far ahead of the game from where I thought I would be by this time tonight, so life is good. Tonight or tomorrow, I will probably be pushing my luck some more and changing the template of the forums, to look more in line with the color scheme that I have adopted here on the main site.

I know I know, I just am NOT going to be happy with myself until I blow this whole site to bits..... wish me luck.....

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Shark Attack!

By B.E. Earl

Hey guppies! We are currently in the middle of a ridiculous heat wave here in the Northeast. I’m spending the week house-sitting at my sister’s home while she and her family are on vacation. Unfortunately, much to my sister’s chagrin, my brother-in-law doesn’t believe in air conditioning. I mean, he’s not an atheist. He knows it exists, he just chooses to live without. So here I must make-do with a wonderfully shaded backyard complete with a fish pond, a beautiful in-ground pool and an even more beautiful cooler full o’ beer.

It’s rough, but I’m surviving. One of the things that is certainly helping is that the Discovery Channel is celebrating Shark Week with all sorts of great shark-like programming. I’ve mentioned my fascination with TDC previously, but I really become a zombie during Shark Week. I live for this shit!

I may have mentioned before that I was eight when the film Jaws came out. That is some serious shit to deal with when you are that age. Before Jaws came out, I was a normal, un-afraid kid. I swam in the ocean all the time. My folks would take the clan out to Jones Beach or Robert Moses Park and we would spend the day in the waves. After it came out, I was afraid to swim in a pool. Seriously.

Unfortunately, this is a phobia that has stayed with me all of my life. I’m still hesitant to swim in the ocean. I started to get over it a few years back when I was spending each summer vacation at a beach house on the North Carolina coast. I would swim out past the breakers and float for hours in the afternoon heat. Then while playing in the surf one day, a small hammerhead shark swam right between my sister and my brother-in-law while we all watched. This was right in the breakers! It was a small shark, probably no more than four feet or so long, but holy crap…it was right there where we were all playing in the surf!

The next morning, before the rest of the house arose, my brother-in-law took advantage of some nice early morning wind to go wind-surfing. I put on a pot of coffee and went down to the beach to watch. Soon he was so far out in the ocean that I couldn’t see him with a pair of binoculars. When he finally made it back to the beach an hour or so later, he told me that he couldn’t turn around (he is good but he still falls off a lot when he comes about) because he was being followed by a really large shark that was bigger than his 12-foot board! He had to wait it out until it the shark lost interest before he risked coming about. I would have had a heart attack right then and there!

So that was it for me. A couple of weeks ago out in Montauk, I dove into the surf once in the entire week I was there and I literally could not have run out of the ocean fast enough once I was through. I must have looked like such a pansy. 10-year old girls have more dignity about them.

My phobia, however, has only spiked my fascination with the creatures. As a kid, I read every book about sharks that I could find. I already knew about the U.S.S. Indianapolis by the time I actually saw Jaws, so I was really freaked out when Quint started telling the story. I could identify just about any type of shark just by glancing at a photo. I was obsessed.

I guess you can say that I’m still obsessed with sharks. My obsession nowadays seems to be limited, however, to occasional visits to www.sharkattacks.com and, of course, Shark Week on TDC. They seem to show most of the programming from previous years over and over again, but there is some new stuff here and there. Saw a great show last night about sharks in the Mediterranean Sea. Good stuff! How nice of TDC to fill an entire week’s programming to appease my appetite for real-life monsters!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Things That Mean Nothing - July 2006

Hello websurfers! Here’s hoping everyone’s Summer is going swimmingly (get it? Summer? Swimming-ly? I spent all day coming up with that).

A couple items before we dive in to July’s searches that resulted in people finding us here at SLYDESBLOG:

Item 1 – Thank you to everybody who helped make July our 8TH CONSECUTIVE MONTH WITH AN INCREASE IN READERSHIP. After a very slow first week in July (which I guess I should attribute to the July 4th weekend/week where a lot of people weren’t around), we really bounced back and ended with a slight increase this month in readers. That’s great! I’ve said this before, but I directly rate my self-worth on how many people are reading this garbage, so if you care at all about my state of mind, friends, please link to me on your great sites and keep spreading the word.

Item 2 – As some of you saw this morning, we seem to have finally been hit with some spam postings on our message boards. Either that, or REAL-LIFE hot stripper-girls visited here at 4am last night and posted about their personal top 20 favorite porn and bestiality websites. Needless to say, I got rid of the offending material. As annoying as it was to see that garbage here this morning, it actually kind of made me happy that we have become visible enough to warrant pervs hitting this site and posting that crap. I’ve hit the big time, Dad…..

Item 3 – My message boards suck. I know this. You know this. The bestiality perverts now know this. Hellen Keller probably even had a clue about it. As most of you know, I have wanted to do something about the message boards for some time, but general web design inexperience and major laziness have continued to confound me at every step. The EASY solution would be to just go over to E-Blogger, but call me old fashioned, Dagnabbit, but I enjoy using Frontpage and I love having the freedom to design my website completely as I see fit.

So, where does that leave us? Well, I have been looking at various web forum posting packages that might be able to link into this site, and upgrade from the near incomprehensible message boards we have now to something, well, better. I am currently checking out Fantastico, and think it may fit the bill. I just have to learn how the Hell to program this, and we might end up having a solution that works for everyone before long. If you know anything about Fantastico, please write in. Otherwise keep your fingers crossed, and if I end up deleting the message boards again while I try to work on this, don’t blame me!

Anyway, posted below are the top 20 items that people searched for last month and ended up finding Slydesblog. Notice that I said “top 20”. Since this is the first month that the actual searches went waaaay past 20, I discovered that my web hosting company only records the top 20 searches. But rest assured, we had at least another 20 inane entries beyond what is presented below:

pauley -Name Removed - nude
www.slydesblog.com
pauley -Name Removed - naked
pauley -Name Removed - pics
pauley -Name Removed - nude pics
kim director naked
chris daugtry
pauley -Name Removed - photos
-Name Removed - nude
denise richards lesbian action
eva mendez naked
pauley -Name Removed - naked pics
rant and rave blog
abby sciuto naked
alba naked pics free
alyssa milano pics
american naked sexy pics
brenda gethers ny
brenna gethers naked
chaz reingold photos

Not too much to poke fun at this month:

- The onslaught of people coming here expecting to find naked pictures of Pauley Perette continue to be our top draw. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that.

- Also still big on the list are American Idol contestants and a naked assortment of other actresses.

- To the handful of people who were searching for “denise Richards lesbian action”, I sincerely hope you found what you are looking for, and if you did, could you pass it along please?
And that’s our July roundup. Thanks again for stopping by. We’ll keep the light on for ya……