Monday, October 16, 2006

From The Mouths Of Babes

This weekend my wife had to drive my niece back to college, so it was just me and my Little Man for the day (get your mind out of the gutter, I meant my son).

My son is getting of the age where we can have a real conversation, and kind of just hang together, which is pretty cool, so this was not a problem. On the contrary, it was kind of fun.
At any rate, we had lunch at McDonald's so he could get his gazillionth Happy Meal (now they are giving away Hot Wheels cars. Collect all 64! That place is the #$@*ing Devil for parents!).

On the way out, we walk past a young girl about his age, and they engaged in a 10 second Nursery School Stare-Down as we walked past her and her mother, and out to our car.
After we walked on a bit, he initiated the following conversation:

"Daddy, why did that girl look at me?"

"I don't know. Maybe she thinks you are cute. Are you a pretty boy?"

"No! I'm not a pretty boy!"

"Are you a handsome boy, then?"

"No, I'm not a handsome boy!"

"Then are you an ugly boy?"


"A poo-poo boy?" (This always evokes a laugh, but not this day...)


"Then what kind of boy are you?"

"I am an 'Inside The Pants' boy!"

God love my son, for saying things like this that just totally knock me for a loop.

An 'Inside The Pants boy'? What the Hell is that about? I couldn't figure out if this was one of those "Why doesn't Sally have the same thing down there that I do?" kind of moments, or he was just talking about his underwear chaffing, or what.

I amused myself on the drive home thinking of what he could possibly have been talking about. About an hour after we got home, I think the answer finally presented itself.

My son is vying to become the next Hugh Heffner.

Let me explain. My wife bought my son a robe to wrap him in when he comes out of the shower, or when it's generally just cold around the house.

He NEVER wears it. I can probably count the number of times he has done so on one hand, and have a few digits left over.

So, imagine my surprise when I walk upstairs and find this....

He decided to do this on his own. I'm not sure why, but he thought it was so damn funny he couldn't contain himself. And why he chose to take off all his clothes, except for the socks, is a mystery I'll never get out of him.

For the next 2 hours, he strolled around the house just like he was a king, relaxing on the couch and playing on the computer, and telling me to make him snacks. All we needed to complete the picture was a house full of strippers, and a few dozen carafe's of Viagra scattered around the place.

It fills my heart with joy that he found his vocation so early. I guess he really is an 'inside the pants' guy after all.

I just hope he lets me hang out at the mansion on weekends.....

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