Tuesday, May 23, 2006

There Can Be Only One

No, this article isn’t my eagerly-awaited-but-20-year-late review of the movie Highlander (which STILL rocks, by the way).

No, on the contrary (really contrary), I wanted to give my final thoughts on my American Idol picks that I made at the beginning of the season.

As a sidebar, why do I continue to be obsessed with this show? I hate it. I really do. I hate everything about it. I hate Paula Abdul. I hate Randy Jackson. I hate the watered-down 90-second versions of the songs the kids sing. I hate the Coca-Cola and Ford product placements peppered throughout the show. I hate the fact that whenever they come back from one of their 300 commercial breaks, the judges’ drink glasses are always placed neatly in front of them with the “Coca-Cola” label pointing right towards the camera. I hate Ryan Seacrest with a passion. I hate the fact that he thinks hosting the show with his fake stubble somehow makes him look more manly. I hate that smarmy pause he always interjects into his sentences when he says, “We’ll tell you who’s going to go home tonight… (ridiculously long pause) … after the break”. Wow Ryan, you really got me that time! I really thought you weren’t going to bend over again for the commercial payoff and just tell us Who The Holy Hell is going home tonight! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 20,000 times, shame on me!

But I digress. I wanted to write to discuss my original predictions that I made here on March 2th on who I thought would win the show, and why.

Well, it’s down to Taylor Hicks, and Katharine Mcphee, if you can believe THAT. For what it’s worth, my predictions were pretty much right on the money until the past few weeks threw them into a state of higgledy-piggledy. Paris Bennett, who I had picked to win the show, kept getting suckier and suckier with each passing week. If I could have amended my predictions last month, I would have given her the boot.

And there isn’t anyone who thought that rocker Chris Daugtry was going to get cut 2 weeks ago. I guess in hindsight I should have known. After all, the only people voting on this show are 12-year-old girls, who have about as much in common with a hard-rocking singer like Daugtry as, well, as I do with 12-year-old girls.

Anyway, let’s do a quick cut-and paste, and take a look at what I said about our final 2, back in March:

Katharine Mcphee – Another in the “totally forgettable” club. If she makes it to the final 12, she’ll most likely be given the boot soon after. Odds Of Winning: 10-1

Taylor Hicks – This grey-headed youngling actually has a great voice, but the constant “Ray Charles”-like poses he does started pissing me off 2 weeks ago. It was funny the first time, and maybe the 3rd, but after the 100th time it kinda wears off. He’ll go far, but not to the end. Odds Of Winning: 5-1

Upon reading this again, I can at least say that I still stand by it. Mcphee is a hottie, no question about it, but she has the personality of a wet dishrag. Plus the tabloids say that her and her family are big-time Scientologists. That doesn’t mean anything about how well she can sing….. it just means I can’t stand Scientologists.

That leaves us with Taylor Hicks. Again, I agree with everything I wrote back in March. His constant poses and screams of “Soul Patrol” make me want to rub his lips on a cheese grater. He can sing, but only in that “Hey, my drunk uncle just got up on stage at my sister’s wedding and did a halfway decent version of ‘Jack and Diane’” kind of way. He SHOULD have been eliminated when I first called it.

So, in the end, if given the choice between a cute chick and an annoying guy, it’s pretty much a given that I'm gonna pick the cute chick every time.

I pick Katharine Mcphee to win, in what I’m sure Ryan Seacrest will call “a very close vote” (AFTER the break!).

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