Saturday, December 31, 2005

New Year, New Look

Nothing really witty this time, folks (is there ever?). I just decided that our main page was getting a big large and cumbersome, and I might do well to set up an Archive section where I can store our old articles. This way we get to start the New Year nice and fresh. If the thought ever takes you to peruse some of last year's stuff, just use the Archive link over to the left. For any sicko out who still feels the need to discuss any article from last year, the old message forum will still be connected to those articles, but this year we will start with a brand spankin' new one! (and maybe this year I'll finally get around to trying to make the message boards a tad more user-friendly.)

Let's see, what else?

I have added some new pics to the Photo section, updated some things here and there, and generally tried to spruce up the place a bit.

Wow, my last blog entry of 2005! What a year! Getting this site up and running was definitely a challenge that I'm glad I undertook. For my New Year's Resolutions, I promise to try to update more frequently (or force Earl to, anyway :) ). At the very least, I promise to not go longer than a few weeks without SOME kind of update.

Thanks for stopping by, and for spending the last 6 months with us. God Bless and I'll speak to ya all in 06!

Edit: Hopefully this isn't an omen of the year to come, but I have apparently screwed up the message forums, both new and old. I'll get to fixing them today.

Edit # 2: Ok, I have now at least fixed HALF of what I screwed up last night. The 2005 archive message boards are working again. Just have to fix the new one.

Edit # 3: Things appear to finally be back under control. The new discussion page seems to be working now. That'll teach me the next time I begin to think I'm a Webmaster! If anyone has any problems posting, just shoot me a line.... I'll then attempt to break it again.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Things That Mean Nothing

As part of the service I get from the company that hosts this site, they provide me statistics and such on how many people come to the site each day, what page you all are spending the most time looking at, how many hits I get per nano-second, that sort of thing.

Normally, I don't have too much interest in those things, except that I am happy to see that the number of people hitting the site each month is slowly climbing. Way to go, guys!

But one item in my statistics reporting always makes me laugh. There is one part of the report that shows me what people have words or phrases people have searched for using sites like Google or Yahoo or the like to get to this site.

Keep in mind that, much like the title of this post, most of these mean absolutely nothing, but it gives me a chuckle to see what people were searching for and got HERE, of all places!
So without any more preamble, here are the phrases that people have searched for (since we re-launched in June) and found SlydesBlog:

chaz reingold photo
chaz reingold
keir o'donnell as todd cleary fans
yoakum video vaughn
chaz reingold pic
chaz reingold picture
chaz reingold wedding crashers
average amount wedding at oheka castle
b.e. earl slyde
i'm not perfect but who are we kidding neither are you
land of the dead cro subtitles
oheka castle the others
top.grossing.horror.films 90's sucks
hallows end est subtitles
best snapes of river sides
jane seymour wedding crasher pictures
weekend at bernie's momma let go
fantasy fest 2005 pictures

Again, I'm not about to propose that any of this means anything (Hell, some of these searches don't even make sense, you sickos!), except maybe that I should probably thank B.E. Earl for mentioning Chaz Reingold in his Wedding Crashers review since it seems to have gotten us about 50 percent of the people who came here!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Tales Of The Black Sock

By B.E. Earl

Hey kids! It’s Earl again with some non-movie related silliness for your reading entertainment. I took my usual early December vacation last week to do some additional damage to my liver, and this year’s hot spot was Key West, Florida. I’ve been to Key West a number of times of the past dozen years or so, and its’ always one of my favorite places to be. Great weather, great restaurants and bars, friendly locals and there is sure to be some kind of weirdness going on whenever I’m there. I’ve seen Jimmy Buffett perform on the street, I’ve seen drag queens galore, I’ve seen manatees up close and personal, but nothing…nothing prepared me for what I saw this past week at Fantasy Fest.

Let me give you a little background on Fantasy Fest in Key West. Fantasy Fest is their off-kilter version of something like Mardi Gras in New Orleans or Carnivale in Rio. It’s a chance for many, many people to come down and unwind in the warm sun and warmer nightlife of Key West and dance to their own tune, so to speak. Mind you, Key West is more than a little friendly to those with an alternative lifestyle, so you can imagine what happens when the city throws a party and asks everyone to REALLY let loose.

I’ve never been to Fantasy Fest before. I love Key West, but I prefer it during the down times when the streets aren’t clogged with tourists and there is no need for reservations at Louie’s Backyard. It’s just how I like/liked New Orleans. Great town, but I would never go during Mardi Gras. I like to actually be able to get into the bars and restaurants rather than shuffling along the sidewalks with all the other sweaty drunks. I had not planned on going to Fantasy Fest this year either, however, Mother Nature pointed her magic wand and made Fantasy Fest come to me.

You see, it was supposed to be the week before Halloween like it is scheduled every year. Costume parties, parades, Pimps & Ho’s parties, leather fetish nights, toga galas, the works. It happens every year culminating with the fat lady singing on the Sunday prior to Halloween. Hurricane Wilma begged to differ. While the hurricane hit the little island four days before the Fest was supposed to start, the city was a few feet underwater and there was no way it could support the influx of Fest-ers. When I read that city officials were planning on re-scheduling the OddFest, I knew that it would be during my trip down there. I mean I just KNEW it! I viewed this scheduling change with equal part dread and fascination. What we saw down there also turned out to be equal parts dread and fascination.

The official website for Fantasy Fest warns that nudity is illegal in the city of Key West and that all revelers were encouraged to remain clothed at all times. Apparently body paint is ok for the ladies as long as your privates remain private. The first night of Fantasy Fest, this seemed to be the case. As the days wore on, however, all bets were off. On Day 2 we saw a woman of 45 or so pedaling down the street on her bike wearing nothing but a smile. The cops didn’t seem to mind, and oh yeah…it was still 11:30 in the morning! Lady Godiva was getting the party started early.
I’ve never been to a nudist colony or beach before, but I had heard horror stories of flabby old men and women, most of whom you would prefer to see wearing quite a few layers of clothes. This describes the majority of those that chose to be naked during Fantasy Fest. Whoops…there goes grandma and grandpa, and…ouch…she’s actually wearing more than him. How does he keep that black sock on? Yeah…you read it. One black sock. That scene played itself over and over again during our time at Fantasy Fest.

Oh sure. There were some attractive folks who decided on going au natural, but they were few and far between. There was one woman we kept running into who was mostly nude and very attractive and she seemed content with just standing around while everyone under the moon posed for pictures with her. To that young lady I say well done. Most of them, however, liked going to the gym as much as they disliked wearing clothing. Don’t get me wrong. I had a pisser down there! These people had no hang-ups whatsoever and they all looked like they were having a wonderful time. I often wondered how they purchased drinks since none of them had any place to put money, but they all seemed to be appropriately liquored up so maybe folks were just giving up booze. I dunno.

So if you are ever thinking of attending Fantasy Fest, let me plant this little thought in your head. Go down to the local supermarket sometime during the day when all the retirees are out shopping for kitty litter and prune juice and picture all of them wandering the streets of Key West wearing g-strings and the aforementioned black sock. If you are able to keep your lunch down, then take a trip and keep your sense of humor because a sense of humor is all that you need to keep you going. Oh…and one black sock of course.

Monday, December 12, 2005

'Tis The Season

Since the holiday's are officially here, I thought I would begin this season of love and Peace On Earth by trying to purge myself of these intense feelings of hatred that I feel for some of the people who live around us.

Since the month of December is usually the time of year that we get bombarded with top 10 lists of all sorts (Top 10 songs of the year, Top 10 highest grossing movies of the year, etc), I thought I would begin my own healing process by presenting you all with my own "The Top 10 people I wish would just GO AWAY".

In case the title left anything unclear, the following is a list of the people who stood out in 2005 and really pissed me off. People who act so stupid, selfish, or ignorant that I am honestly embarrassed to stem from the same gene pool as them. People who I wish would board a rocket ship to the Land Of Far Away and never come back.

So, without further ado, I present to you all ......
The Top 10 People In the World That I Wish Would Go Away

10) Maurie Povitch: I used to kind of respect ol' Maurie as a journalist, but somewhere along the way, Mr. Povitch went off the rails a bit. If I tune into his pathetic TV show one more time to see him destroy some loser's life with the revelation that the baby that he have been raising is really his brother's, I am going to throw the damn television out the window. Actually, that part of the show I can deal with. It's only when the person runs off stage sobbing, and we are treated to Maurie running after them, consoling them off-stage WHILE THE CAMERAS FOLLOW HIM AND RECORD IT ALL that I really want to vomit. Maurie, you should be ashamed.

9) Matt Leblanc: Matt, you played a lovable idiot on friends. We get it. We also get that you made a boatload of money doing it. But what's done is done, ok? That pathetic spin-off show you hoisted on us, where you had the bright idea to dumb down an already brain-dead character was just a stroke of genius. Not. The show's not funny, and neither are you. Plus you are on opposite Survivor.

8) Martha Stewart: Here's an idea, Martha. Take an already lame reality show, hosted by one of the biggest jerkwads in the country, AND JUST DUPLICATE IT! Same theme, same ideas, yadda yadda. It's easy to make a show when some other idiot has done all the legwork for you. The guy who pitched Martha's show must be the same hotshot who puts out a new Law and Order or CSI spin-off every season. Cause we need that, you know. The latest news is that the show isn't coming back next season. And that's a Good thing.

7) Paris Hilton: She's an idiot. I don't know what else to say, except for the fact that it pisses me off when people THAT stupid have more money than me. If all was right with the world, I should not know who the Hell Paris Hilton is. But I DO! Why? Probably because she's cute, in a skanky sort of way. I don't think cute alone is what makes her famous though. It's that rare combination of cute, rich, and stupid that makes me hate her so much. Plus, she won't return my calls... I hate that!

6) My Neighbor: The only non-famous person on my list. But his lack of fame makes him no less a candidate to Go Away. My considerate neighbor feels the desperate need to start his truck up every morning at 6am sharp. Then I guess he sits back and pretends to be in the Indy 500, since, for the next 30 minutes or so, HE GUNS THE ENGINE OVER AND OVER WHILE PARKED IN THE DRIVEWAY. I lay in bed dreaming of the day I lose my temper and "accidentally" open my window just a crack and let my air conditioning unit drop onto his meaty, bald head. Then I remember I have central air, and those thoughts sadly get squelched.

5) Osama Bin Laden: This upstanding citizen wants to see me dead, and I haven't even met him yet. It usually takes people at least an hour with me before they reach that decision.

4) Russell Crowe: He throws phones at people, he yells at the press, he has temper tantrums while people are kissing his ass interviewing him. He acts like his movies are a possible cure for Cancer, and we are all just slowing him down. I LOVE the fact that even though Cinderella Man was a great movie, it tanked at the box office, and that the industry sites Russell's juvenile antics as the major cause. Will he learn from his mistakes? Time will tell.....

3) Kate Moss: Kate Moss is the worst kind of celebrity. She is the kind that protests and accuses the press of all sorts of wrong doings, even when the blame is on her, and she isn't even half the human being to accept responsibly for her actions. A few months back, a London newspaper accused Kate Moss of snorting cocaine at a local club.

Well, Kate Moss was outraged.
Kate Moss yelled and screamed.
Kate Moss SUED THE NEWSPAPER, claiming it was all lies.

Kate Moss looked like a total JACKASS 6 months later when she was THIS TIME CAUGHT ON FILM taking cocaine, and all of the earlier allegations proved true. Suddenly Kate Moss was a victim. Suddenly she wanted us all to feel badly for her, as she lost modeling contract after modeling contract. Sorry, but I don't have much sympathy for hypocrites and liars.

2) Tom Cruise: I'm not exactly sure of the point when Tom Cruise went from becoming one of my favorite movie stars, to the Scientology-loving, Brooke Shields-bashing, Oprah-scaring, lunatic he seems to have evolved into. Maybe Kate Holmes had something to do with it, or perhaps she is just an unwilling victim like the rest of us. All I DO know is that I used to respect this guy, and now...... not so much.

1) George Bush / Dick Cheney: Ok, so I cheated a little bit, and made my #1 choice actually two people. But c'mon, aren't these two brain surgeons really both the same problem at this point? Do I even have to explain myself on this one? Constant SlydeBloggers would probably give me a resounding "Hell, no!". But to appease the unwashed masses on why our very own President Palpatine and his loyal Darth Vader deserve to take take the #1 spot, here are the highlights......

Iraq War, 9-11, Halliburton, Afghanistan, Osama Bin Laden, North Korea, Church and State, Supreme Court nominees, Scooter Libby, the FCC, National Guard attendance....... and that's just off the top of my head.

God, when I say them all one right after the other like that it sounds like a Billy Joel song.
Well, there you have it. My top 10 picks for people who I'd rather not hear too much from in 2006. Let's all keep our fingers crossed, shall we?