Saturday, December 31, 2005

New Year, New Look

Nothing really witty this time, folks (is there ever?). I just decided that our main page was getting a big large and cumbersome, and I might do well to set up an Archive section where I can store our old articles. This way we get to start the New Year nice and fresh. If the thought ever takes you to peruse some of last year's stuff, just use the Archive link over to the left. For any sicko out who still feels the need to discuss any article from last year, the old message forum will still be connected to those articles, but this year we will start with a brand spankin' new one! (and maybe this year I'll finally get around to trying to make the message boards a tad more user-friendly.)

Let's see, what else?

I have added some new pics to the Photo section, updated some things here and there, and generally tried to spruce up the place a bit.

Wow, my last blog entry of 2005! What a year! Getting this site up and running was definitely a challenge that I'm glad I undertook. For my New Year's Resolutions, I promise to try to update more frequently (or force Earl to, anyway :) ). At the very least, I promise to not go longer than a few weeks without SOME kind of update.

Thanks for stopping by, and for spending the last 6 months with us. God Bless and I'll speak to ya all in 06!

Edit: Hopefully this isn't an omen of the year to come, but I have apparently screwed up the message forums, both new and old. I'll get to fixing them today.

Edit # 2: Ok, I have now at least fixed HALF of what I screwed up last night. The 2005 archive message boards are working again. Just have to fix the new one.

Edit # 3: Things appear to finally be back under control. The new discussion page seems to be working now. That'll teach me the next time I begin to think I'm a Webmaster! If anyone has any problems posting, just shoot me a line.... I'll then attempt to break it again.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Things That Mean Nothing

As part of the service I get from the company that hosts this site, they provide me statistics and such on how many people come to the site each day, what page you all are spending the most time looking at, how many hits I get per nano-second, that sort of thing.

Normally, I don't have too much interest in those things, except that I am happy to see that the number of people hitting the site each month is slowly climbing. Way to go, guys!

But one item in my statistics reporting always makes me laugh. There is one part of the report that shows me what people have words or phrases people have searched for using sites like Google or Yahoo or the like to get to this site.

Keep in mind that, much like the title of this post, most of these mean absolutely nothing, but it gives me a chuckle to see what people were searching for and got HERE, of all places!
So without any more preamble, here are the phrases that people have searched for (since we re-launched in June) and found SlydesBlog:

Slydesblog
chaz reingold photo
chaz reingold
keir o'donnell as todd cleary fans
yoakum video vaughn
chaz reingold pic
chaz reingold picture
chaz reingold wedding crashers
average amount wedding at oheka castle
b.e. earl slyde
i'm not perfect but who are we kidding neither are you
land of the dead cro subtitles
oheka castle the others
top.grossing.horror.films 90's
1dollarhosting.com sucks
hallows end est subtitles
best snapes of river sides
jane seymour wedding crasher pictures
weekend at bernie's momma let go
fantasy fest 2005 pictures

Again, I'm not about to propose that any of this means anything (Hell, some of these searches don't even make sense, you sickos!), except maybe that I should probably thank B.E. Earl for mentioning Chaz Reingold in his Wedding Crashers review since it seems to have gotten us about 50 percent of the people who came here!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Tales Of The Black Sock

By B.E. Earl

Hey kids! It’s Earl again with some non-movie related silliness for your reading entertainment. I took my usual early December vacation last week to do some additional damage to my liver, and this year’s hot spot was Key West, Florida. I’ve been to Key West a number of times of the past dozen years or so, and its’ always one of my favorite places to be. Great weather, great restaurants and bars, friendly locals and there is sure to be some kind of weirdness going on whenever I’m there. I’ve seen Jimmy Buffett perform on the street, I’ve seen drag queens galore, I’ve seen manatees up close and personal, but nothing…nothing prepared me for what I saw this past week at Fantasy Fest.

Let me give you a little background on Fantasy Fest in Key West. Fantasy Fest is their off-kilter version of something like Mardi Gras in New Orleans or Carnivale in Rio. It’s a chance for many, many people to come down and unwind in the warm sun and warmer nightlife of Key West and dance to their own tune, so to speak. Mind you, Key West is more than a little friendly to those with an alternative lifestyle, so you can imagine what happens when the city throws a party and asks everyone to REALLY let loose.

I’ve never been to Fantasy Fest before. I love Key West, but I prefer it during the down times when the streets aren’t clogged with tourists and there is no need for reservations at Louie’s Backyard. It’s just how I like/liked New Orleans. Great town, but I would never go during Mardi Gras. I like to actually be able to get into the bars and restaurants rather than shuffling along the sidewalks with all the other sweaty drunks. I had not planned on going to Fantasy Fest this year either, however, Mother Nature pointed her magic wand and made Fantasy Fest come to me.

You see, it was supposed to be the week before Halloween like it is scheduled every year. Costume parties, parades, Pimps & Ho’s parties, leather fetish nights, toga galas, the works. It happens every year culminating with the fat lady singing on the Sunday prior to Halloween. Hurricane Wilma begged to differ. While the hurricane hit the little island four days before the Fest was supposed to start, the city was a few feet underwater and there was no way it could support the influx of Fest-ers. When I read that city officials were planning on re-scheduling the OddFest, I knew that it would be during my trip down there. I mean I just KNEW it! I viewed this scheduling change with equal part dread and fascination. What we saw down there also turned out to be equal parts dread and fascination.

The official website for Fantasy Fest warns that nudity is illegal in the city of Key West and that all revelers were encouraged to remain clothed at all times. Apparently body paint is ok for the ladies as long as your privates remain private. The first night of Fantasy Fest, this seemed to be the case. As the days wore on, however, all bets were off. On Day 2 we saw a woman of 45 or so pedaling down the street on her bike wearing nothing but a smile. The cops didn’t seem to mind, and oh yeah…it was still 11:30 in the morning! Lady Godiva was getting the party started early.
I’ve never been to a nudist colony or beach before, but I had heard horror stories of flabby old men and women, most of whom you would prefer to see wearing quite a few layers of clothes. This describes the majority of those that chose to be naked during Fantasy Fest. Whoops…there goes grandma and grandpa, and…ouch…she’s actually wearing more than him. How does he keep that black sock on? Yeah…you read it. One black sock. That scene played itself over and over again during our time at Fantasy Fest.

Oh sure. There were some attractive folks who decided on going au natural, but they were few and far between. There was one woman we kept running into who was mostly nude and very attractive and she seemed content with just standing around while everyone under the moon posed for pictures with her. To that young lady I say well done. Most of them, however, liked going to the gym as much as they disliked wearing clothing. Don’t get me wrong. I had a pisser down there! These people had no hang-ups whatsoever and they all looked like they were having a wonderful time. I often wondered how they purchased drinks since none of them had any place to put money, but they all seemed to be appropriately liquored up so maybe folks were just giving up booze. I dunno.

So if you are ever thinking of attending Fantasy Fest, let me plant this little thought in your head. Go down to the local supermarket sometime during the day when all the retirees are out shopping for kitty litter and prune juice and picture all of them wandering the streets of Key West wearing g-strings and the aforementioned black sock. If you are able to keep your lunch down, then take a trip and keep your sense of humor because a sense of humor is all that you need to keep you going. Oh…and one black sock of course.

Monday, December 12, 2005

'Tis The Season

Since the holiday's are officially here, I thought I would begin this season of love and Peace On Earth by trying to purge myself of these intense feelings of hatred that I feel for some of the people who live around us.

Since the month of December is usually the time of year that we get bombarded with top 10 lists of all sorts (Top 10 songs of the year, Top 10 highest grossing movies of the year, etc), I thought I would begin my own healing process by presenting you all with my own "The Top 10 people I wish would just GO AWAY".

In case the title left anything unclear, the following is a list of the people who stood out in 2005 and really pissed me off. People who act so stupid, selfish, or ignorant that I am honestly embarrassed to stem from the same gene pool as them. People who I wish would board a rocket ship to the Land Of Far Away and never come back.

So, without further ado, I present to you all ......
The Top 10 People In the World That I Wish Would Go Away

10) Maurie Povitch: I used to kind of respect ol' Maurie as a journalist, but somewhere along the way, Mr. Povitch went off the rails a bit. If I tune into his pathetic TV show one more time to see him destroy some loser's life with the revelation that the baby that he have been raising is really his brother's, I am going to throw the damn television out the window. Actually, that part of the show I can deal with. It's only when the person runs off stage sobbing, and we are treated to Maurie running after them, consoling them off-stage WHILE THE CAMERAS FOLLOW HIM AND RECORD IT ALL that I really want to vomit. Maurie, you should be ashamed.


9) Matt Leblanc: Matt, you played a lovable idiot on friends. We get it. We also get that you made a boatload of money doing it. But what's done is done, ok? That pathetic spin-off show you hoisted on us, where you had the bright idea to dumb down an already brain-dead character was just a stroke of genius. Not. The show's not funny, and neither are you. Plus you are on opposite Survivor.

8) Martha Stewart: Here's an idea, Martha. Take an already lame reality show, hosted by one of the biggest jerkwads in the country, AND JUST DUPLICATE IT! Same theme, same ideas, yadda yadda. It's easy to make a show when some other idiot has done all the legwork for you. The guy who pitched Martha's show must be the same hotshot who puts out a new Law and Order or CSI spin-off every season. Cause we need that, you know. The latest news is that the show isn't coming back next season. And that's a Good thing.

7) Paris Hilton: She's an idiot. I don't know what else to say, except for the fact that it pisses me off when people THAT stupid have more money than me. If all was right with the world, I should not know who the Hell Paris Hilton is. But I DO! Why? Probably because she's cute, in a skanky sort of way. I don't think cute alone is what makes her famous though. It's that rare combination of cute, rich, and stupid that makes me hate her so much. Plus, she won't return my calls... I hate that!

6) My Neighbor: The only non-famous person on my list. But his lack of fame makes him no less a candidate to Go Away. My considerate neighbor feels the desperate need to start his truck up every morning at 6am sharp. Then I guess he sits back and pretends to be in the Indy 500, since, for the next 30 minutes or so, HE GUNS THE ENGINE OVER AND OVER WHILE PARKED IN THE DRIVEWAY. I lay in bed dreaming of the day I lose my temper and "accidentally" open my window just a crack and let my air conditioning unit drop onto his meaty, bald head. Then I remember I have central air, and those thoughts sadly get squelched.

5) Osama Bin Laden: This upstanding citizen wants to see me dead, and I haven't even met him yet. It usually takes people at least an hour with me before they reach that decision.

4) Russell Crowe: He throws phones at people, he yells at the press, he has temper tantrums while people are kissing his ass interviewing him. He acts like his movies are a possible cure for Cancer, and we are all just slowing him down. I LOVE the fact that even though Cinderella Man was a great movie, it tanked at the box office, and that the industry sites Russell's juvenile antics as the major cause. Will he learn from his mistakes? Time will tell.....

3) Kate Moss: Kate Moss is the worst kind of celebrity. She is the kind that protests and accuses the press of all sorts of wrong doings, even when the blame is on her, and she isn't even half the human being to accept responsibly for her actions. A few months back, a London newspaper accused Kate Moss of snorting cocaine at a local club.

Well, Kate Moss was outraged.
Kate Moss yelled and screamed.
Kate Moss SUED THE NEWSPAPER, claiming it was all lies.

Kate Moss looked like a total JACKASS 6 months later when she was THIS TIME CAUGHT ON FILM taking cocaine, and all of the earlier allegations proved true. Suddenly Kate Moss was a victim. Suddenly she wanted us all to feel badly for her, as she lost modeling contract after modeling contract. Sorry, but I don't have much sympathy for hypocrites and liars.

2) Tom Cruise: I'm not exactly sure of the point when Tom Cruise went from becoming one of my favorite movie stars, to the Scientology-loving, Brooke Shields-bashing, Oprah-scaring, lunatic he seems to have evolved into. Maybe Kate Holmes had something to do with it, or perhaps she is just an unwilling victim like the rest of us. All I DO know is that I used to respect this guy, and now...... not so much.

1) George Bush / Dick Cheney: Ok, so I cheated a little bit, and made my #1 choice actually two people. But c'mon, aren't these two brain surgeons really both the same problem at this point? Do I even have to explain myself on this one? Constant SlydeBloggers would probably give me a resounding "Hell, no!". But to appease the unwashed masses on why our very own President Palpatine and his loyal Darth Vader deserve to take take the #1 spot, here are the highlights......

Iraq War, 9-11, Halliburton, Afghanistan, Osama Bin Laden, North Korea, Church and State, Supreme Court nominees, Scooter Libby, the FCC, National Guard attendance....... and that's just off the top of my head.

God, when I say them all one right after the other like that it sounds like a Billy Joel song.
Well, there you have it. My top 10 picks for people who I'd rather not hear too much from in 2006. Let's all keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

Monday, November 21, 2005

Set Phasers To "Faaaaa-bulous!"

As some of you have probably heard by now, George Takei, the Asian contingent of the crew of the original Star Trek TV show, better known as “Mr. Sulu” by the masses, has finally come out of the closet, and admitted to being a homosexual.

Now, to anyone who is ANY kind of trekkie, this revelation is not the earth shattering expose that some of the tabloids in the past week have made it out to be. I mean, was there ANYONE out there who didn’t realize Sulu was gay? The man displayed so many stereotypically gay personality traits that I don’t think it would be insulting to say that this revelation didn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone. Who’s the next big celebrity that will shock us by coming out of the closet...... Richard Simmons? My God, the scandal!!!

But I digress. This blog entry really has nothing to do with George Takei’s sexual orientation. I say, more power to him. Live long and prosper and all that.

The sudden news attention surrounding Mr. Sulu got myself and B.E. Earl talking the other day, about an incident between myself and Mr. Takei about 15 years ago. Upon talking about the incident again, we thought our loyal Slyde-Bloggers would find this a pretty funny yarn.
Before I begin, I need to stress again that this took place about 15 years ago. I was probably about 22 or so. Believe me, I stake no claim now that I am anything close to mature, but if you knew me back then, you’d think I was Obi-Wan Kenobi now. Let’s just preface this little story by saying that, although I am not ashamed of my less-than-mature outlook on life, I’m not so proud of it that I plan to put it on my resume, either.

Anyway, the year was about 1993 or so, and Earl, myself, and a group of friends all decided to attend I-CON. I-CON, for all you non-geeky Long Islanders, is L.I.’s biggest yearly science fiction convention. Nerds from all over convene every April to buy sci-fi merchandise, watch sci-fi movies, listen to sci-fi guests, and find other ways of embarrassing themselves with their dorkiness. I fully admit to taking part in such endeavors in my youth from time to time…..
Anyway, at some point I needed use the restroom, so I found the “Little Tribbles” room and entered one of the stalls. While inside the stall, I heard some people enter, discussing what sounded like a movie script, when suddenly I heard that distinctive deep voice that all Trekkies know so well. There was no doubt in my mind that Mr. Sulu had just walked into the bathroom. Apparently, Mr. Takei was scheduled to be a guest speaker at the convention.

Amazed, I kept listening to their conversation. I heard the other people leave the restroom, and then I thought I heard Mr. Sulu walk up to one of the urinals against the far wall, taking care of nature.

A strange thought occurred to me: There was a person of some celebrity status, in a state of semi-nakedness, in my near vicinity. Of course I came to the obvious conclusion: This was a rare opportunity to see a movie star’s private parts!

Now, I have to stop the story at this point for a quick aside. I do NOT, in any shape of form, play on the same team as our esteemed Mr. Sulu. On the contrary, I have such a weakness for the fairer sex, that it has gotten me into more trouble in past years than I could care to admit.
But the fact remained, that less than 10 feet from me was a famous Willy. I had once heard a story of a person who was in a hotel in Detroit on a business trip, who walked down the hall one night to see David Lee Roth naked in an open hotel room. I remember it being a very funny story, and I decided I wanted a famous naked story for myself. So, off I went to get my own story….

I exited the stall, and quickly ran up to the urinal next to Mr. Takei. He glanced at me briefly, then went about his business.

It was at this time I stole a quick look at Mr. Sulu’s personal phaser.

I am not going to degrade the top-notch integrity and standards of SLYDESBLOG with any details (hey, if you want details, stalk him in a bathroom yourself!). But let’s just say, I got my look.

Afterwards, my friends and I all had a good laugh about it. We even decided to attend Mr. Takei’s lecture. The lecture hall was large, seating a few hundred people. Nerds and Klingons from all over the Long Island area were in that room at the time. People who base their lives on Star Trek and view Mr. Sulu as their own personal god. And here my friends and I sat, a couple of wise-asses having way too much fun with this whole scene.

To our credit, we actually managed to be good for most of the dissertation. At one point, George tells the crowd that he is in the process of writing his autobiography.

At that point, a pimply-faced kid holding a light-saber stood up and asked, “Could you tell us what the name of your book will be called?”

To which Mr. Takei responded: “I haven’t come up with a name for my book yet. What I am doing is looking over all the great pieces of memorabilia I have in my attic at my home. I dust off one of these pieces of memorabilia I have up there, then I write a story about it. I’ve been writing a whole chapter for every memento I find up there. And I have a BIG attic, so there will be a lot of stories. But I haven’t come up with a name for my autobiography yet.”
At this point, the 22 year old Me could no longer resist and yelled out, “Why don’t you call your book, “Big Attic, Small Penis”?

Well, my friends and I got a good laugh out of that one. At least until we looked up to find Mr. Sulu, as well as the army of Uber-Geeks around us, looking at me with faces aghast like I just flipped-off Queen Elizabeth.

Well, the faces on the crowd around us, as well as that of George Takei, got us laughing even harder. Cut to 2 minutes later when we got dragged out of the convention center by security.

Man that was a funny day.

Please note that this story has no real point, except to show how immature I can be, especially since, 15 years later now, I still think it’s funny as Hell.

Live Long and Prosper, George Takei.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Anticip...p…p...p...ation

By B.E. Earl

Hey Kids! Earl here again with my most anticipated films of the upcoming Holiday Season. It’s been a while since I’ve been this excited about the late studio (both big and small) releases. Okay…it hasn’t been a while, thanks to Peter Jackson and his incredible “Lord of the Rings” trilogy that was an absolute gift for movie lovers for three straight years. However, the sheer weight of potentially great films that are just around the corner makes this season one that will most likely finally get the film industry out of the doldrums that they have been experiencing of late. Yeah…I’m not very happy with the “most likely finally” part of that last sentence either. Let’s move on, shall we?

Holiday season means “blockbuster” for very many movie fans, and this season doesn’t appear likely to disappoint. With guaranteed hits in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, King Kong, and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, the big studios executives are already spending their Christmas bonuses. There is also a blockbuster novel or two that have been transformed to the silver screen such as Memoirs of a Geisha (with an all Asian cast) from Rob Marshall, and long-time Broadway successes like Rent and The Producers that are sure to succeed. Aside from these, the following list of films are those that I would most want to plunk down my $9.50 for:

· Get Rich or Die Tryin’ – I know, I know. A biopic of 50 Cent seems to be a bit out of my taste when it comes to movies, but this one is directed by Irish auteur Jim Sheriden (My Left Foot, In the Name of the Father). He looks to add some weight to this story of a street kid who sets asides his drug-dealing ways to become a rap star.

· Walk the Line – I’ve gotten a late start on my fascination with the Man in Black, but this looks to be an awesome portrayal of life and times of Johnny Cash as played by a spot-on Joaquin Phoenix. Both Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon (as June Carter Cash) do all their own singing, so this could even be a step-up in Oscar-worthy performances from Jamie Foxx in last year’s Ray.

· The Ice Harvest – Directed by Harold Ramis and including the talents of John Cusack, Billy Bob Thornton, Randy Quaid (why is his face so big?) and Connie Nielsen, this looks to be the hit that we Cusack fans have been waiting some number of years for. Or maybe not.

· Aeon Flux – Just to see Charlize Theron jumping around barely dressed while shooting guns. Nice!

· Brokeback Mountain – Just kidding. I saw a seemingly endless trailer for this hunk ‘o junk the other day and I thought I was going to pass out in my popcorn. Gay cowboys? Well, Slyde might like it.

· The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada – Tommy Lee Jones’ directorial debut, this film is about a Texas rancher intent on avenging the murder of a Mexican friend. Jones also stars, and it just has that feel about it that could make it a big winner come Oscar time. It has already cleaned up at Cannes winning the writing award (for Guillermo Arriaga) and the acting prize for Jones. I can’t wait for this one.

· Hostel – A good old Horror yarn about three American tourists whose stay in an Eastern European hostel goes horribly wrong. Quentin Tarantino is the executive producer (no guarantee) and Eli Roth of Cabin Fever fame directs.

· The New World – This one has all the trappings of a massive box office bomb. Lavish costume period piece starring Colin Farrell and directed by genius director. It’s not Alexander by Oliver Stone, but it could be. Terence Malick, who looks to rebound from the poor critical and commercial success of The Thin Red Line, directs this tale of the violent colonization of the Americas. If he can make this even half as good as Badlands, then it will be well worth seeing.

There are a few others in the mix that look to be exciting, but those are the ones that I am most eager to see on the big screen. I was going to include Big Momma’s House 2, but since that doesn’t come out until late January I thought it might not be appropriate to include it with a Holiday Season round up. Maybe when we talk about 2006’s Oscar races. Maybe.

Friday, October 28, 2005

It’s the Great Update, Charlie Brown!

I love Halloween. It is my favorite holiday, hands-down. I have ALWAYS loved Halloween, although I’m not really sure why. Now, I am not one of those people who go totally Halloween “gaga” and decorate their home with spider webs and severed heads and the like, but I DO love the spirit of Halloween. I love the horror genre in general, and I think Halloween is the one time every year that I can express that, at least a little.

So this weekend, I will carve my pumpkin (a ritual I have been doing for the past 20 years), and when I’m done, I will select one of my favorite horror films and watch it late at night.
Since I need to pick which horror film I want to watch, and because I was somewhat inspired by B.E. Earl’s list, I thought I’d give some thought about my favorite horror movies of all time. The movies that scared me the most, or the ones that, to this day, still give me a case of the heebie-jeebies.

So, my top 7 Horror movies (I just couldn’t shave this group down to 5) of all time are….......

7. When a Stranger Calls – This movie gets to be on the list solely for the first chilling 15 minutes of the film. That opening scene scared the Hell out of everyone who has ever seen it. It’s just such a shame that the rest of the movie is such complete trash, because if that wasn’t the case, this movie would be rated higher. This movie had every teenager calling their baby-sitting friends in the middle of the night asking “Have you checked the children?”.

6. The Howling – I love a good werewolf movie, and between the cutting-edge-for-it’s-day special effects, good performances and tight story, this movie rates as one of the best werewolf flicks around. This whole movie gave me the creeps, from beginning to end. I watch it now, and admittedly it looks a bit dated, but it’s still a good horror yarn.

5. Demons – When this Italian horror movie was first shown in the states, in the summer of ‘86, I took my girlfriend at the time. Although still in high school, I was already on my way to being a horror junkie, and was excited to see this movie. Sadly, my girlfriend was NOT a horror junkie, or even close to one. Cut to 15 minutes into the movie when my girlfriend throws up all over the center aisle of the theatre, forcing us to leave and to me have just thrown 15 dollars down the toilet.

It was a few months later that I finally was able to rent this movie to see it in it’s entirety. The movie has flaws. ALOT of flaws. But Demons, and it’s sequel, Demons II, were just downright creepy, and they are always movies I don’t mind watching again and again.

4. Evil Dead – Sam Raimi’s first and best horror movie. This movie was completely unknown to anyone, least of all me, when I rented it in the summer of ’86. The violence, gore, and more importantly, the suspense where pretty much non-stop. The scene where the first unsuspecting girl to became a demon, floating in the air as she shouts out the suits of the playing cards in the other girl’s hand from across the room, made me shiver. I watched the movie 3 times that weekend, stunned at how brutal and unrelenting the tension was. Imagine my surprise when I got to college a few months later, and found that this movie was starting to develop a large cult following, an accolade that it still enjoys to this day. The 2 sequels have their charm, and their moments, but for me, they trade too many of the first movie’s scares for laughs, so they just don’t work for me. Certainly not enough to make it to this list.

3. He Knows You’re Alone (1980) – For most people, this movie is known simply as the answer to the Jeopardy question “What was Tom Hanks’ first movie?”. Whenever Mr. Gump is asked about this movie in interviews, he always knocks it, which is a shame. This movie was one of the first movies I remember seeing uncensored in the early days of cable, and it would always give me a fright. The killer in this movie, and unnamed weirdo with a mean staring problem, kills brides. Like many movies of this type, the killer only strikes when the victim is alone, separated from any others, but this movie put real menace and fright into me whenever someone was suddenly alone on screen. In the early days of cable, this movie was played incessantly, and I was always a contest of wills for the young little Me to see if I could sit through the whole movie before I had to put the light on. And the scene with the fish tank, while copied many times now in countless slasher movies, was quite twisted, and just brilliant for it's day.

2. Halloween - Were there actually ANY professional babysitters still working after this movie came out? I know Earl has already said his piece on it, and I agree whole-heartedly. John Carpenter did this slasher movie right. It makes you jump in the right places, and is cast and acted well enough when it needs to be. Poor Jamie Lee Curtis’ frantic flight from Michael Myers in the last 20 minutes of the movie is enough to make anyone pee themselves with fright the first time they see it. And the second, etc… . The sequels don’t come close, but some of them are actually watchable….

1. Dawn of the Dead (1978) – For me, this is the granddaddy of them all. I love werewolf movies, I love vampire movies, but nothing draws me in and scares the pants off of me like a good zombie movie. There have been so many, but none better than George Romero’s “Dead” 4-part epic; and the second one , Dawn of the Dead, is the best of the lot. I don’t know what it is about Romero’s zombies that chill me to the bone, but this movie has always done the trick. I have seen this movie at least a dozen times now, and If I watched it today, I can tell you with absolute certainty that I would have a nightmare about it tonight. It’s just THAT good. Even the 2004 remake, which I was dreading when I heard of it's production, turned out to be a great movie in it's own right. Mr. Romero should be proud.

So that’s it, my friends. There is my “definitive” list on what I consider to be the BEST of the horror genre. If you find yourself this All Hallows Eve looking for a good scare, do yourself a solid and rent one of these, and watch it late at night with the lights off. You KNOW I will.

Happy Halloween all!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Halloween)

By B.E. Earl

Hey kids! Earl here again in response to Slyde’s claim that I “wouldn’t know a good horror move from a teletubbies marathon”. That’s right, I left in his misspelling of the word “movie” and his lack of an apostrophe at the end of “teletubbies”. Dick! Since Halloween is right around the corner, I thought I would share with you my Top 5 favorite Horror films, or at least the Top 5 that I could think of off of the top of my head. Whew! Quite a few “tops” in that last sentence, weren’t there?

My only criteria for including a film on this list is that said film had to have scared me. Not startled me or grossed me out, but out and out scared me. You see, I love Horror films, but very few actually achieve their goal with me. I dig werewolf films, but besides a few scenes in The Howling and Dog Soldiers (and one really scary scene in Bad Moon), they make me grin more than they frighten me. I like zombie movies, but I haven’t found any that have truly terrified me. Don’t get me wrong. Dead people walking around is scary stuff, but not something that has ever made me lose any sleep. Don’t even get me started on vampire movies. I’d have trouble naming even one that was truly scary. No, I prefer my scares to be a little more psychological and a little less visceral. So without further ado:

5. Halloween (1978) – I can’t have a Halloween-inspired Horror film list without the granddaddy of all slasher flicks. Some prefer Psycho or even Friday the 13th, but for my money it has never been done better than John Carpenter’s tale of Michael Myers and the night he came home. This is just an amazing film and it truly proves that less is more when it comes to a good scare. Halloween can be shown (and is shown) on network TV with the bare minimum of editing. No on-screen deaths, no graphic display of the victim’s bodies, and almost no profanity at all. Just a classic story of madman guided by some mysterious force to wreak havoc on an innocent town. The accompanying score, by John Carpenter himself, is so perfect that the mere sound of it is enough to frighten some people. Bonus shout-out to Mr. Carpenter for also making The Fog and The Thing, two Horror films that work almost as well as Halloween but fall short of making on my list.

4. The Shining (1980) – I used to be a big fan of Stephen King and I’ve always been one of Stanley Kubrick, so it should be no surprise that this film makes it onto my list. While the film version wound up being quite different from the novel, I feel that in many ways the film worked much better as a Horror story than the novel ever did. Stephen King always had a problem ending his novels (try figuring out why “The Stand” doesn’t end 100 pages earlier), and “The Shining” was no different. Instead of turning Jack Torrance into an actual monster (as King did in the novel), Kubrick’s version of Jack was much less over-the-top and much more sinister. The utter isolation that the movie portrays lends itself to the madness that eventually overcomes Jack, or IS IT madness that overcomes him? Is it a ghost story or is it a story of a man driven insane by a combination of solitude and his own demons? And just what the hell is going on in that room with the dude dressed like a dog? Scary and beautifully made, The Shining is a must-see for Horror fans of all ages.

3. Event Horizon (1997) – I just know that I am going to have a hard time explaining why I’ve included this film on my list. I didn’t like it when I first saw it, and I’m not so sure I even like it now when I think about it. But this film grew on me, and not in a good way. It is just creepy as all hell. From Sam Neill walking around with no eyes toward the end to those short (thankfully) peeks into the hell dimension that the ship came back from, this is one creepy film. It’s one of those movies that I will not watch if I see that it is going to be on, because its’ just too damn scary and I know I’ll be pissed at myself for getting creeped-out by a crappy film. Let us just move on.

2. The Omen (1976) – For all intensive purposes, I could have included Rosemary’s Baby or The Exorcist in this slot, but The Omen always frightened me a hell of a lot more than any of those other films. I think that one of the reasons is that the accompanying score by Jerry Goldsmith (much like Carpenter’s in Halloween) added so much to the terror factor in the film that it is difficult to separate one from the other. I especially love the ending shot of the movie when Damien looks over to the camera and gives the viewer in the audience a creepy little smile. Brrrrr! Chills people! Maybe it has something to do with evil kids, but this is a film that is delightfully scary. Damn, I gotta go out and get this one on DVD!

1. Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (1973) – This is the grand poobah of all scary films in my humble opinion. Sure, it was a cheesy made-for-TV film starring Kim Darby that probably played on a Sunday night when it was first shown, but oh the memories! In case you are unfamiliar with this little gem, the action revolves around a couple who have inherited a mansion from some long-gone relative. A bricked up fireplace is opened and a whole host of little pointy-headed demon critters come flooding out. You see, these dudes are what became of Ms. Darby’s ancestors and they want her to join their little club. Sounds goofy, right? Yet this was a movie that I had to watch every single time it was on when I was younger and it would scare the livin’ bejesus out of me for weeks! I haven’t seen it in a while, but I was an adult the last time I saw it and it still did the trick for me. Little demon walking across the bathroom floor with a straight razor just as big as it is coming to get you in the shower = scary in my book. If you can find it, give it a try and see how it ranks on your fright-O-meter.

Well, that should do about wrap it up. Maybe Slyde will grace us with some of his favorite scary movies some time in the near future, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Until next time, have a Happy Halloween! - Earl

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Even A Stopped Clock Is Right Twice A Day

B.E. Earl dragged me to see Serentiy last week.

Now, although I have the same love of Star Wars that any geeky 30-something has, I am not nutso for the science fiction genre. I enjoyed the classic Star Treks, and have seen them all (I thought each successive Trek series was worst than the last though).

As such, I had never watched FIrefly during the brief time it was on TV, or knew much of anything about it, except it was a sci-fi series and the internet geeks seemed to love it.
So when Earl, who had been raving about the series asked me to go, I met him with a lukewarm response at best.

But I must say, Earl finally hit one on the head here.

Quite simply, Serenity rocked! It was quite possibly the best sci-fi movie I have seen since, oh I dunno, maybe Aliens?

I liked it so much, for all the reasons Earl mentioned below, that I am now eagerly watching each episode of the Firefly series (which I am also loving) on DVD.

I just had to chime in, with nothing of any real note to say, except to give Earl his due. He wouldn't know a good horror move from a teletubbies marathon, but the boy can spot good science fiction when he sees it.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

“SERENITY” NOW!!!

By B.E. Earl

At the rate I have been posting lately, as opposed to Earl, we should probably change this site's name to Earlsblog.com. Anyhow, Earl has graced us with another review, this time for the new movie Serenity. Anyhow, take it away Earl....

Hey kids! It’s Earl again as Andy is apparently way too lazy/busy to contribute to his own site. I’d like to share with you some of my thoughts about the new film Serenity which opened up last weekend to so-so business here in the ‘ole U.S. of A. Serenity is a sequel, of sorts, of the late, great Fox television series “Firefly” created by Joss Whedon. Now one thing you have to know is that I am a late convert to the cult of Whedon, but a cultist nonetheless so I may not be the most objective kid in the sandbox. I’m actually not going to give you my review of the film (which I thought was fantastic), so hopefully my objectivity, or lack thereof, won’t come into play. No sir, my intent is to give you some background info on the television show so that you might be better prepared when you go see the film. AND YOU WILL GO SEE THE FILM! Sorry, got taken over by Satan there for a moment. I’ll try not to let it happen again.

The Setting

“Firefly” is set roughly 500 years in the future. The human race has moved on from the “Earth that was” or the planet that we currently call home. You see, our numbers had swelled so vastly that we needed to colonize other worlds and solar systems. The last remaining great economic powers of old Earth were the United States and China. Just about everyone speaks both English and Chinese, although it seems that they only slip into Chinese when yelling at each other or cursing (maybe to slip past the old Fox censors, eh?). The main governing body of the galaxy is the Alliance.

The Alliance runs the central planets in the system with a closed fist, but the outlying planets govern themselves mostly in a fairly straightforward metaphor for the United States during the time of the Old West. In fact, “Firefly” is as much of a Western as it is a piece of Science Fiction. The territories are hard places to live, but they do have a sense of independence from the Alliance. The Alliance doesn’t appear to be the obvious evil that the Empire was in Star Wars, however, there is something dodgy about it. So dodgy that a group of planets fought a war against the Alliance in order to guarantee their own independence. It didn’t work as the Alliance won, and the freedom fighters suffered enormous casualties.

The Ship

Serenity is not only the name of the film, it is also the name of the Firefly-class spaceship that many of the characters of the show and film call home. It’s a fairly cool-looking hunk o’ junk that is used mostly as a cargo ship by the crew, although it is that cargo that often gets them into trouble. You see, the crew of the Serenity works a bit outside of the law. They’ll handle smuggling jobs, illicit transport, and even outright robbery to make a living. We’ll talk about that in a bit. The boat (as they refer to Serenity) is also named after a famous battle in the previously mentioned war. It was the battle that finally broke the backs of the freedom fighters leading to an overwhelming victory by the Alliance.

The Crew

Captain Mal Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) – Mal is a former soldier with the losing side of the war with the Alliance. He, in fact, was one of the survivors of the battle of Serenity Valley along with his second-in-command, Zoe. Mal has got a lot of issues. He’s obviously not happy with the Alliance and he is constantly being tormented by his inner demons. His choice to turn to a life of smuggling is just another way of thumbing his nose at the oppressive Alliance. However, he appears to be a good man with a heard of gold, ding! He’s also quite in love with Inara, a prostitute who lives on one of the shuttles of the Serenity. Secretly, of course.

Zoe (Gina Torres) – Zoe, as previously mentioned, is a former soldier who followed Mal into a life of smuggling. She is the consummate warrior woman, clearly not someone whom you would want to mess with. She is unwaveringly loyal to Mal and she wears her leather outfit quite nicely, thank you.

Hoban “Wash” Washburn (Alan Tudyk) – Wash is the pilot of the Serenity, and the husband of Zoe. He’s mainly there for comic relief. We don’t know much about his past, but it doesn’t appear to matter that much. He wears Hawaiian shirts and has plastic dinosaurs about his console, and that is about as much as we need to know.

Kaylee Frye (Jewel Staite) – Kaylee is the resident mechanic on board the ship. She’s a bit of a spitfire whose mechanical skills appear to be more intuitive than learned through any formal education. She is the wide-eyed innocent of the crew, even while possessing a more-than healthy sexual appetite. Kaylee is fun.

Jayne Cobb (Adam Baldwin) – Jayne is the muscle on the crew. Although he doesn’t really have a title, he was jokingly referred to as the public relations officer. He’s simple and downright mean, but you want to have him on your side in a firefight. He also has, on more than one occasion, shown an inclination towards turning on his fellow crewmembers, and he can be bribed to switch sides if the money is right.

Inara Serra (Morena Baccarin) – Inara is a prostitute who rents out one of the two shuttles on board Serenity in a mutually beneficial agreement between Mal and her. You see, prostitutes are a bit different in this world then they are in ours. Companions, as they prefer to be called, are treated with incredible respect by the civilized worlds. They go through a tremendous amount of training to become a companion, and they are incredibly bright and knowledgeable in many areas. Having a resident companion on board is beneficial to crew for her contacts and the doors that those contacts can open. She also lends an air of respectability to the otherwise rag-tag group of travelers. She is also quite in love with Mal, secretly of course.

Shepherd Book (Ron Glass) – Damn it was nice to see Ron Glass working regularly again. The well-named Book is hard to read by his cover. He is a man of religion, but he has admitted that Book is not even his real name. His mysterious past has something to do with either a military, political or consular post within the Alliance. He is Mal’s conscience on the ship.

Dr. Simon Tam (Sean Mahar) – Simon and his sister, River, are fugitives from the Alliance. Simon came aboard Serenity with his sister as his cargo. He was eventually found out by Mal the rest of the crew, although Mal agreed to keep him and his sister on board as crew. Simon is a brilliant doctor who gave up a great career to save the life of his sister. He’s also kind of boring.

River Tam (Summer Glau) – River is a gifted teenager who was taken by the Alliance at a young age and manipulated into a tool that they could use for a number of reasons. She has some psychic abilities and she is quite the talented fighter. She is also an absolute mental mess. In whatever procedures the Alliance used to enhance her abilities, they also managed to strip out some of her brains ability to operate in a so-called normal manner. She is highly sought after by the Alliance because of her abilities and the secrets that she may have stumbled onto. Secrets that could hurt the Alliance at its very core.

Okay. Now you are ready to go out and see Serenity. It has been rumored that if this film grosses more than $80 million worldwide, there will be a sequel or two. Joss Whedon had apparently scripted out 5 seasons of “Firefly” and he still has stories to tell. So go see it. You don’t want me to use my Satan voice again, do you?

Sunday, October 02, 2005

So Sue Me

I know, I know. I basically tell everyone that I will try to commit to updating this site more frequently, and then I seem to go on a month long hiatus. The reasons for this are complicated. In a nutshell:

1) My job has been giving me massive headaches, and even more aggravation. When I get home the last thing I want to do it look at a computer.

2) I play video games too much. WAY too much. Really. Which is really weird given rule # 1.

3) I'm lazy.

Ok, after perusing my list I guess it wasn't as complicated as I first thought. Poor B.E. Earl had submitted a great article on horror movies to me over a month ago, and I have been too lazy to even post it. I shall do that next.

Oh, the HORROR of it all!

By B.E. Earl

As I said in the last post, here is another great article written by B.E. Earl. Since he gave it to me over a month ago, some of the "Upcoming" movie references may now be a tad outdated. Please blame my excessive laziness for this fact, and not the fact that B.E. wouldn't know a good horror movie if it came up and bit him on the ass (which it just might, one day...those things are ORNERY).

Hi, folks! Earl here. I recently saw a commercial for a new horror film that will be coming out to a theater near you shortly. It’s called The Cave, and I was interested enough to check out some of the details on IMDB.com yesterday. Not “interested” in actually going to see the film, but more like “interested” in how derivative it appears to be. The trailer showed a group of divers (or some kind of adventure seekers) getting trapped in a network of underwater caves. Then some kind of Big Bad begins to pick them off, and it appears as if it either infects some of the team members or takes over their bodies in some “body snatcher/the killer is amongst us” kind of way. I don’t know the exact details, and maybe I never will. But three films jumped to mind as soon as I saw this commercial. John Carpenter’s version of The Thing (victims assimilated by beastie in remote location), Pitch Black (maybe because Cole Hauser is in both), and Alien (replace deep space with deep caves…now THAT is clever).

When I checked the feedback on IMDB.com, I saw that many of the posters were comparing it to a British film by Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers) called The Descent. Apparently they have some very similar plot lines, although The Descent has yet to be released theatrically in the US. This got me thinking about the sad state of the Horror genre in American film over the last few years. Here goes:

To get a good feel for the assortment of Horror films that have been produced in the last few years, I once again consulted the oracle of all things, er, movie-ish in IMDB.com. They have a great search engine within their own site called a Power Search. So, I looked for the top 100 Horror films (as voted by IMDB users with at least 1000 votes) that were produced from 2000 to 2005. I then culled the herd by dropping anything with less than a 6.9 out of 10 rating which left me with a not so round 26 films. They are as follows (with foreign titles translated into English):

Film Rating Country
1. Battle Royale 7.9 Japan
2. Shaun of the Dead 7.9 UK
3. The Others 7.8 France/Spain/US
4. Vampire Hunter D 7.7 Japan/Hong Kong
5. Butterfly Effect, The 7.7 US
6. Descent, The 7.7 UK
7. Bubba Ho-Tep 7.6 US
8. Tale of Two Sister, A 7.6 South Korea
9. Saw 7.5 US/Australia
10. Frailty 7.4 US/Italy/Germany
11. Dawn of the Dead 7.4 US
12. Devil’s Backbone, The 7.4 Mexico
13. Ring, The 7.4 US
14. Happiness of the Katakuris, The 7.3 Japan
15. Identity 7.3 US
16. 28 Days Later… 7.3 UK
17. Irreversible 7.2 France
18. Visitor Q 7.1 Japan
19. Brotherhood of the Wolf 7.1 France
20. Devil’s Rejects, The 7.1 US
21. Ichii the Killer 7.1 Japan
22. Dark Water 7.1 Japan
23. Eye, The 7.0 Japan
24. Land of the Dead 7.0 US
25. Ginger Snaps 6.9 Canada
26. American Psycho 6.9 US

As you can see there is a decidedly international flavor to the list with the US only accounting for 11 of the 26 films. It’s no surprise that Japan is second on the list with 7 entries, followed by the UK with 3 films. Now, before I start to critique these films let me say that I have seen less than half of the titles listed. But that isn’t going to stop me from “Eberting” them anyway.

Let’s start with the American Films. Right away I can whittle this group down by excluding comedies (Bubba Ho-Tep), remakes (Dawn of the Dead and The Ring), sequels/rip-offs (Land of the Dead and The Devil’s Rejects) and any movie that stars Ashton Kutcher (The Butterfly Effect). This leaves us with a tidy five US-made Horror films in the last few years that meet our haughty criteria.

The Others by Alejandro Amenabar is a wonderfully creepy film with an engaging cast. Part of it was even filmed here in Huntington at Oheka Castle. But considering the director’s origins (Chile) and the fact that the cast is mostly British or Australian, this film really takes on an international tone. The US is also listed third in the credits for country of origin behind France and Spain. So this is a tough one to include as being truly “American”, for me at least.

Saw by James Wan is also a film that includes some international ties. Mr. Wan grew up as an Asian in Australia, and this is his first film working in the US. That aside, it was a very creepy serial killer film that kept audiences guessing until the very end. I’m still not 100% sure what the hell happened, but I know that I liked it. It is sure to be ruined by numerous sequels, but this film stands out as something highly original.

Frailty by Bill Paxton (I didn’t realize he directed it) is an unusual film for me to judge. I liked all the performances in the picture, and the novelty of the plot wasn’t lost on me. It very nearly works as a perfect study of mental illness and its’ effect on the family. However, I find it hard to include as a Horror film, per se. The fact that I wasn’t frightened or horrified in any way might be the problem I had with it. I don’t know. It just didn’t “get” me the way a good Horror film should.

Identity by James Mangold is another film that I was surprised to see on the list. I did enjoy seeing it (big fan of John Cusack), and it’s “Ten Little Indians” plot was fun to watch unfold, but as with Frailty I feel that it didn’t encompass some of the elements that define a good Horror movie for me. It was if I was watching the movie just to see what the “big twist” was going to be.

American Psycho by Mary Harron (based on the Bret Easton Ellis novel) was just a crazy, crazy movie with everyone’s favorite Batman, Christian Bale, giving us an over-the-top horrific performance as the title character. The very real moments of pure horror are offset by some very funny insights into the yuppie lifestyle of the 1980’s. The narrow edge of what is real and what evils lie solely within Bale’s character’s mind is what makes this movie so much fun to watch. Well, that and Willem Dafoe. Man, that guy is just creepy to look at!

Did you notice a common thread between these five films? I mentioned it while talking about Identity. All five of these films include a “big twist” ending. It’s as if American Horror in film have become almost solely derivative of 1999’s The Sixth Sense in the past few years. Yeah, I know…the “big twist” in American Horror has been around since Alfred Hitchcock and Psycho (and probably way before that), but it seems to be steadily building momentum. There is nothing wrong with it, but it bothers me that I thought that a great film like The Others was slightly tainted because I left the theater thinking that it was really good, but The Sixth Sense did it a little better.

Now the non-US films on the above lists really include some original and grand examples of Horror, and Japan is definitely leading the way. Most of the top grossing Horror films made in the US nowadays (The Ring, The Grudge, Dark Water) are remakes of original Japanese Horror films. It’s like the obsession Hollywood had with remaking French Comedies a few years back. The old “let’s take something of theirs and make it ours” kind of philosophy. In most cases, the original far outshines the remake, but American audiences seem to really have a problem watching foreign language films with subtitles. Sad.

Battle Royale (so I’ve heard) is just a brutish “Lord of the Flies” tale of a group of school children forced onto an island with the intent of murdering one another until there is a sole survivor. It is so brutal that it is not available through mainstream avenues in the US, nor is it likely to be remade here in this country due to its themes of violence and children. Visitor Q, Ichii the Killer, The Eye and Dark Water are all highly praised as truly original entries in the Horror genre. Vampire Hunter D is an animated film, but one that is supposedly one of the best examples of Horror/Anime around. From what I’ve read of The Happiness of the Katakuris, it may not belong on the list as its’ tale of a family taking over a remote hotel is told in a Musical/Comedy setting.

There are some other great original films on the list made in the UK, France, Mexico and even Canada. I’ve already mentioned The Descent, but Danny Boyle made zombies cool again in 28 Days Later…, and Edgar Wright made them funny in Shaun of the Dead. Brotherhood of the Wolf is one of my favorite movies (in any of the genres it fits) made in recent years. Its’ visual style and martial arts action fit well with its’ historical accuracy. If you haven’t seen this film, do yourself a favor and check it out. The Devil’s Backbone is Guillermo del Toro’s (Hellboy) breakout hit from a few years back, and this guy has a film style that looks good even in crappy movies like Blade II. Another personal favorite on the list is Ginger Snaps out of Canada. I really liked the idea of a werewolf movie as a metaphor for puberty and all the wonderful things that come with it. It may not have been as downright scary as Dog Soldiers, but I enjoyed it just as much if not more.

Well, I managed to trash American Horror a bit more than I praised International Horror, but you can see where I wanted to go with this. The focus here in the US seems to be more on generating box office gold by more derivative means, while the creative side of Horror is left to filmmakers abroad. Hey, I appreciate a good film no matter what country it was created in, but let’s hope that this trend slows down in the near future. Horror films have been a staple in the diet of American filmgoers for a long time now, and we are getting a bit tired of the stale servings of late.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Site Updates

There are some new pictures in the Photo Gallery section from our trip to the Bronx Zoo this week. Hurry there now so you can say you were the first kid on your block to see them!

In other news, I'm still working on the web forum thing, but admittedly, not that hard. For now, lets just live with the "One Forum to Rule Them ALL" design until I get my second breath and delve back into it.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Everyone's a Comedian


To all my witty friends who sent me an email this week with THIS link, asking me, "My god, was that YOU?", I say to you all, "Very freaking funny!".

C'mon, you all know that could NEVER be me. I have never even BEEN to South Korea.........

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

When Harry Met Ginny

By B.E. Earl

Hey kids! Earl here again. I completed a blistering read of the new Harry Potter entry a few weeks ago, and I thought that I would share with you, my brothers and only friends, some thoughts on the whole series and its place in fantasy fiction.

I know that I’m not exactly the demographic that is reading Harry Potter these days. I’m not a teenage girl, nor have I ever been. I started reading the Potter books last year after I went to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with my nephew. I had previously seen the first two films and honestly didn’t think much of them. I was interested in Azkaban because of it was directed by Alfonso Cuaron (Y tu mama tambien), and I wanted to see what he would do with it. I was more than pleasantly surprised with the results, and I was interested enough to ask my older sister, who has been reading the books, whether or not they were worth my while. She told me that they were quick reads, but pretty entertaining once you got into them.

Well, I read the first five books of the series in the next few weeks and I was surprised (once again) to find them really enjoyable. I mean, it wasn’t Tolkein by any stretch of the imagination, but J.K. Rowling had really created a fun-to-read, escapist bit ‘o fantasy and I could see why it appeals to younger readers so much. The basic premise for the books is not exactly groundbreaking. A thoroughly underwhelming young boy is thrown into a situation involving good, evil and all sorts of magical things only to find out that his destiny is tied to the Big Bad in some way forcing him accept responsibilities that could ultimately lead to his own death or the destruction of everything that he has come to love in that world. Phew! Run-on sentences really wear me out. You can replace the “young boy” with “young hobbit” or “leper” and Harry becomes Frodo or Thomas Covenant, but the premise is still the same. I’m not sure when the main protagonist in fantasy genre switched from the great heroes of old myths to the current run of underdogs, but it has been around for a while. Gives the readers at home something to identify with, I guess.

Getting back to the Potter books, I found that after reading them I came to appreciate the films a whole lot more. Especially the first two films. I still like Azkaban the best, but Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is pretty darned close. So I was pretty eager to read the sixth entry into the series, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.” My sister picked it up the first weekend it was available and, true to form, she finished it in a day or so. I had dibs on reading it second, but my nephew (her son) got to it first. Damn him! Rather than wait for him to finish, I decided to go out and buy it myself…my first J.K. Rowling book ever! Sorry…really not that exciting.

I’m happy to say that Ms. Rowling doesn’t let us down. Her legions of fan(atic)s will be extremely pleased/horrified/crushed with what she brews up for us in this one. I’m obviously not going to say much about what happens, but Rowling continues to lead us down the dark path she has laid out for us in the past few entries. The penultimate chapter in the Harry Potter saga bravely sets us all up for what (we hope) to be a thrilling conclusion some time in the next few years when Rowling gives us our Seventh Year at Hogwarts.

That being said there is something that bothers me about these books and I’ve encountered it before. I really don’t like Harry. Period. I just want to reach into the book and slap some sense into the kid. He’s childish, secretive, and occasionally unnecessarily mean. Yeah, I know. He’s an orphaned kid living with brutish relatives forced into an unimaginable situation, but I WANT to root for him. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to yet. If he would just talk about his problems a bit more with those he trusts (Dumbledore, Lupin, etc…), and not just Hermione and Ron, it seems that he may have been able to avoid some of the tragedies that have befallen him. Actually, it’s not just Harry. The whole damn cast of characters has too many secrets that they keep from each other. Maybe Harry wouldn’t spend so much time on his fanatical distrust of Professor Snapes if Dumbledore would just tell Harry why he trusts him so much. I don’t know, I guess its all necessary in some way, but man that kid bugs me some times.

I guess its unfair to complain that the main character in a storyline about children, written for children is too childish, but I can’t help it. Orson Scott Card was able to write about children that you could really root for in “Ender’s Game” and related novels, so it is not impossible. Come to think of it, I wasn’t a real big fan of Frodo in “The Lord of the Rings” or Shea in “The Sword of Shannara” (the most blatant “LotR” rip-off ever) either. It’s some of the secondary characters that I’ve always latched onto as being my favorites. Sam and Eowyn in “LotR”, and Hile Troy and the Haruchai in the Thomas Covenant trilogies are just a few examples.

Anyway, I think I’ll conclude by stating that the Harry Potter series is fresh enough to warrant a good deal of praise, but I don’t think I can include it with some of the great works of past in the fantasy genre. That could have a lot to do with my age (rapidly approaching 40), or the average age of the Harry Potter fan. I have to wonder if these are the first books of this type that these kids are reading, or if they are aware of the grand roots of fantasy that they come from. I would like to see the kind of excitement that Harry Potter generates come around again for an old jewel like “The Chronicles of Narnia” by C.S. Lewis once The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe comes out on film later this year. (A quick side-rant. Who the hell decided to re-order the books in “The Chronicles of Narnia?” When I first read the books way back in 1976, “The Magician’s Nephew” was the sixth book in the series even though the events of the book predated those in “TLtWatW”. Now that book is listed as book one in the series, thereby spoiling some of the golden nuggets of enlightenment that reside within. Listen, don’t mess with the original order of the books…the order in which Lewis wrote them! Okay…I’m done.)

Monday, August 08, 2005

Baby Steps

Ok guys, since I had a little time this week, I finally got my lazy self to peruse the Microsoft website in order to try to figure out how in God's name you can add discussion groups to topics in FrontPage. After much sifting thru the Borg-like NerdSpeak on that site, I finally was able to take the first steps at getting a discussion forum started on this site. You can find it here! (sorry guys.. old message boards are now gone :( ).

Keep in mind it's a work in progress, and far from complete. At some point, when I have the stomach to dive back in and read some more techno babble, I will try to get different discussion forums for each topic posted. Like the title says, baby steps....

Monday, August 01, 2005

Movie Review: Wedding Crashers

By B.E. Earl

*** 1/2 (out of 5) stars.

Hi All! Slyde here. In what I hope to be a regular occurrence, today's review was written by a guest blogger, one B.E. Earl, who I have known for a dog's age, and who is pretty spot on about movies (except the fact that he loves Get Shorty, which I think sucks loads, but that's a minor point).

Anyway, on with the review, Earl....

Hey folks! Welcome to my first “guesting” gig on SlydesBlog.com. I’m going to try to pop in once in a while, just to keep Andy honest and to provide a more hi-brow element to the site. Well…maybe some fart jokes as well. This time up, I will be sharing my thoughts with you on the newest entry into the R-rated comedy genre, Wedding Crashers. If you enjoy what you see here, then whoop-de-doo for you! Just kidding, all feedback can go to Andy and if it is positive then I may return to this hallowed site in the future.

Don’t you hate it when someone you know sees a highly anticipated movie before you, and then proceeds to gush over it as if it were the best thing since sliced bread? And you know, sliced bread isn’t really that big a deal at all. I mean that kind of gush-fest is what killed Weekend at Bernie’s 2 for me, and I can’t believe that I’m the only one. Well, that was the situation I found myself in with this film. A bunch of folks I know, including some family members, had already seen it and all I heard were tales of crowded theatres filled with movie-goers blowing soda out of their noses and missing whole scenes of the movie because they had been laughing too hard from the previous scene. They even evoked the name of the big cheese of film hilarity in Something About Mary as a comparison. Needless to say, I was a bit hesitant to believe them. I have seen all the most recent projects of the Frat Pack (Vince Vaughn, the Wilson brothers, Ben Stiller, etc…), and I have been a big fan. However, none of them exactly resulted in the busting of my considerable gut.

I am pleased to report, however, that Wedding Crashers almost lived up to these highest of expectations and exceeded them in some areas. First, the setup: a couple of jaded divorce lawyers (Vaughn and Owen Wilson) have taken to the habit of crashing weddings as a way to meet eligible/horny young ladies. Jeremy Grey (Vaughn), it seems, has been taught the rules of crashing by the greatest crasher of all time, Chaz Reingold (betcha can’t guess the “secret” guest star who plays him). He and his protégé, John Beckwith (Wilson) treat Wedding Season as a six-year old would treat Christmas morning.

Right away we are treated to what must be the longest montage in film history that shows our boys hamming it up at a number of ethnic (Jewish, Irish, Italian, Asian, etc…) weddings and meeting a whole gaggle of gorgeous women whom they proceed to take advantage of. Nice way to show us some of the rules of crashing without wasting a half-hour of the film on backstory. The montage ends with a peek into John’s guilt with the duo’s somewhat adolescent behavior towards these women.

We soon reach the crux of the story, the Cleary Wedding. The grand poobah of all crash gigs. Treasury Secretary Cleary (Christopher Walken) is hosting a gigantic wedding for his daughter Christina. John and Jeremy pose as, well, John and Jeremy Ryan, brothers from New England and distant relatives of the groom. It is there that they set their sights on Secretary Cleary’s two other daughters, Claire (Rachel McAdams) and Gloria (Isla Fisher). Yeah, I know…this has a bad episode of Three’s Company written all over it. Why use their real first names? Why profess to be related to the groom when it could be so easily figured out? Why select the father of the bride’s two daughters as their prey? To answer all three, because if they didn’t the results would have been included in the opening montage and the film would have been released direct to Internet as a short. Plot holes are as imperative to R-rated comedies as boobs and bodily fluids. Let us just accept it and move on.

Doesn’t take a film student to see where this is all going. The guilt-ridden John falls for the seemingly unavailable Claire, the slightly psychopathic Gloria falls for the unrepentant cocksman Jeremy and wackiness ensues right up to the predictably happy ending. I’m not going to bore you with the details. That’s what actually going to see the movie is for.

What I will say is that this has some of the finest comic acting seen in film for a very long time. The terrific ensemble cast includes some great supporting work/cameos by Rebecca DeMornay, Dwight Yoakum, Jane Seymour and Henry Gibson. Jane Seymour was particularly outstanding as the off-center, Owen Wilson chasing, boozehound mother of the three Cleary girls. I can’t ever remember her being funny before. The film also includes some very funny newcomers in Bradley Cooper (as Sack Lodge, Claire’s Cro-Magnon boyfriend) and Keir O’Donnell (as Todd Cleary, the Secretary’s gay angst-ridden son). Rachel McAdams (Mean Girls) is adorable and totally lovable as Claire, but it is Isla Fisher as Gloria who just about steals the movie. Her, um, energetic performance is one that should be remembered for a very long time.

I mentioned that Fisher “almost” stole the movie with her performance, well that is only because Vince Vaughn didn’t let her. What he showed a glimpse of in Old School comes to full fruition here. He is laugh-out-loud funny in what is arguably his best film role since Swingers. Well, I liked Clay Pigeons a lot as well, but I seem to be the only one. It’s not that Owen Wilson isn’t really good in this film, he is. It’s just that when a star shines as brightly as Vaughn does in this film it is hard for any of the actors working with him not to be blinded. Which is what makes Fisher’s performance so worthy of praise. Wilson does shine on his own quite a bit, especially as things go bad for him in the film, but let us not make any mistakes. This movie belongs to Vince Vaughn.

I’m giving this film ***1/2 using Andy’s five-star rating system, but if you are to judge it solely on what is trying to be then feel free to give it a perfect rating. It’s not Kurosawa or Scorsese. Hell, it’s not even Ron Howard, but you get exactly what you are paying your $9.50 for. As Jeremy says to Claire in the film “I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it."

Friday, July 22, 2005

Movie Review: Batman Begins

*** (out of 5) stars.

Yeah, I know, this review is coming in a little late, since the movie has been out for over a month already, but I just finally got to see it this week, so bear with me here....
First off, let me say that, in addition to me being a video game junkie, and a board game junkie, and a movie junkie, I have always been a comic book junkie. True, as I got older, my comic book habit waned somewhat, but the comics I STILL have buried up in my attic have a street value that could keep a small South American country solvent for a few years, so you’ll have to take it as fact that in the case of comic books (and movies based on them), I think can qualify as an expert.

Batman is a great superhero. Even people who don’t buy Batman books seem to like him. Maybe it’s the fact that he is creepy and dark that appeals to young adolescents. Maybe it’s the fact that he is viewed as much as a vigilante as he is a hero. Maybe it’s the fact that, at least in the books, Batman is as messed up as the rest of us, and not some cookie cutter piece of perfection like Superman.

When the original Batman film was released in 1989, made by the ever-annoying Tim Burton (does this guy have to put his girlfriend, Helena Bonham Carter, in every damn movie he makes? That’s SO aggravating! But I digress....), the time was ripe for a superhero movie with attitude. And Batman filled that need. The film did monumentally well (and spawned many sequels, each worse than the last), but without question, the gem of that first film was Jack Nicholson as the Joker, the psychopathic killer out to destroy Gotham through laughter. Besides Jack, however, what made that film work was the dark attitude and style. Batman is not a nice, friendly character. On the contrary, he is an unhinged vigilante tormented with personal angst and grief. The original Batman movie came close to this aspect of the character, and that (and Nicholson’s performance), is why it worked.

The successive sequels all got away from this approach, each one moving farther along back to the campy, cutsie feel of the 1960’s Batman TV show until the final Batman movie of the 90’s, Batman and Robin, was an utter piece of claptrap. It was so bad, in fact, that it single-handedly put the movie franchise on hold for 8 years.

Which brings us to Batman Begins, the 2005 resurrection of the Batman films.

The Good

Batman Begins does many things right. It retells the back-story of Bruce Wayne in a way that’s close enough to the comic book version to make it ring true with fans. Christian Bale does Batman proud, getting down his noble side, while at the same time portraying enough of his quirky neuroses to make him creepy. In short, Christian LOOKS the part, and plays him well enough to make him believable (something most of the other Batmen just couldn’t pull off). Although relegated to a small role, Michael Caine proves that he doesn’t need to have a major part in a movie to steal a scene. Likewise for Morgan Freeman.

The story is a good one (if a bit convoluted), but it does a fine job of giving us the entire back-story of Bruce Wayne/Batman. We see Bruce as a young child, and how he came to be traumatized by bats. We see him again as a young man, learning the hard knocks of life. We see him as he slowly conceptualizes the idea of Batman, and finally, in the later parts of the film, we finally get to really see the caped crusader in action. And all of it, very well done.

The Bad

The choice of villains – As I said, I was a fan of the comics, and even I never much cared for Ra's Al Ghul. There are a number of reasons I can give for why he was never an A-list villain, but what it comes down to is… he just isn’t FLASHY enough to keep my interest. The Joker, he isn’t. Liam Neeson plays him well enough, but then again, I’ve never been a super-fan of Neeson’s anyway, so maybe I’m a bit biased. I have always liked the other villain in the movie, Scarecrow, but here again, I feel that the character was totally underutilized. The Scarecrow was always a very eerie villain, and here he was played down so much as to be almost a trivial part of the movie. Again, this character could have been utilized much better.

The Story – As I said, Batman Begins has a good story. The problem is that there is simply too damn much of it. Between Batman’s youth, his adolescence, his time in prison, and his learning to be Batman, it is about an 1 hour and 15 minutes into the movie before Bruce even BECOMES Batman! Then of course we get to see the main thrust of the story, that being Batman fighting and foiling the evil plans of our 2 villains. The problem is that there is just too much story here. With all that happens in this film, I felt like I was getting 6 hours of movie crammed down my eye-sockets in 2 hours 10 minutes. In short, the movie felt rushed.

Katie Holmes – Maybe I’m just soured on the poor girl now since her extraterrestrial love affair with Wacky Mr. Cruise, but she just did nothing for me in this film. Nothing. She had all the emotional punch of a wet paper towel, and her lines could have been delivered just as competently by any young starlet in Tinsel town.

The Ugly

Not much I can say here, except that I found the fight scenes to be HORRIBLY choreographed and shot. There were entire fight scenes where I literally could not tell what was happening. I would see a quick shot of a foot kicking something. Then a hand punching something else. Then a fast-moving blurry shot of someone flying across a room. Who’s hand was that? Whose foot? Who fell down? Damned if I know, and you wont either. In a movie where the fight scenes are SOO important to a movie, I just don’t get why they were shot in such a confusing manner.

The Verdict

I can’t hate this version of Batman. On the contrary, in spite of its overly ambitious nature and odd character/actor choices, I rather liked it. I could have just done with a little less story and a little better cinematography, but if you are a fan of the comics, like me, then this is a comic book movie that you should NOT miss.

Friday, July 08, 2005

But With More Carnage, Please.....

For anyone who doesn't know..... I am a video game junkie. I admit it. If there was a AA for gamers I would never make it through their 12-step program. I accept this about myself, and the people who know me have pretty much accepted it at this point as well (the ones who haven't accepted it have bailed a looooong time ago).

My current obsession is Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. For those of you who DON'T know, GTA is the game that basically every bible-thumping group in the world, and every congressman who wouldn't know a video-game if it bit him on the ass, complains about.
Why do they complain? Well, if you have played any of the GTA games, you would have the answer to that question. They complain because, quite simply, GTA is the most bloody, violent, morally reprehensible game ever to walk the earth.

In Grand Theft Auto, you play the role of a young urban youth, who is trying to make a name for himself in a Compton-Like California of the early 90's. As a young hooligan trying to make his bones, the brilliant design of the game basically lets you do WHATEVER you want! If you desire, you can start a shootout in the middle of a crowded intersection. Or, if vehicles are your fancy, you can steal a car (after pulling the current driver out of his vehicle and beating him senseless, naturally), and start a road-warrior-like rampage, killing pedestrians, smashing other vehicles, knocking over lampposts, you name it. Basically, you can be as evil as you want to be.

And therein lies the issue that most of these holier-than-thou types have with games like GTA.... the very act of role-playing anything, ANYTHING except a god-loving American scares the bejeezus out of them. I'm not sure why, I've never actually gotten close enough to one for more than a minute without throwing my hands up and walking away to find out, but there it is. In their view, you shouldn't want to even PLAY at being a bad guy, because it could grow into REAL-LIFE bad behavior. The argument is ridiculous, but there you have it.

In their minds, you can't want to PRETEND to be a bad guy. You cant want to play-act as a villain. Evil thoughts, evil deeds, I guess? I dunno. But I DO know that there are people out there who want to put Rockstar Games (the makers of GTA) out of business for putting out a game like Grand Theft Auto.

And that scares me. A lot. The day that my recreational outlets are being regulated by people who don't have the same moral, religious, or ethical guidelines as I do, is the day I pack it in and go back to playing Chess.

Hey wait a minute! The pieces in a chess game are black and white! That's reprehensible! I never realized until just now that the game of chess simulates a RACE WAR! How sick!
I'm sorry guys, I gotta go start a anti-chess support group, and burn my "Searching for Bobby Fischer" DVD.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

One Of These Days, Alice!

The New site is almost here! Stay tuned!! I know it's taken a year and a day, but don't blame me, blame my previous web hosting company.

For the record, if you are planning on starting your own web site, and have any hopes or aspirations that it will actually be operational, then I strongly advise you NOT to use 1DOLLARHOSTING.COM. Cause well, they kinda blow.